Chapter 90: It’s Just Guiding… Right?

He felt a thirst as if his throat were burning. It was a sensation that made him feel as though he would die if it wasn’t relieved immediately.

In that moment, the cool energy that entered when he parted his lips, there was no need to put into words what that must have meant to Chaewon.

“I-I really…”

Though fragmented, his memories slowly began to return, and Chaewon visibly grew flustered.

It was no wonder; the image of himself clinging to Su-ha’s face, letting out soft moans and desperately trying to pull him even a little closer, was something he had never once imagined.

If he had just stayed still, Su-ha would have taken care of things and provided the appropriate guiding on his own. Why had he clung so rudely, urging him on like that? As that thought reached him, Chaewon naturally opened his mouth to say, “I’m sorry.”

But as if he had no intention of hearing those words, Su-ha cut him off with a firm expression.

“It’s not because you’re lacking, Chaewon. You just received the guiding that an Esper should naturally receive. You were in that much of an overextended state.”

“Ah… I see.”

Lately, there were times when Chaewon wondered if Su-ha could read his mind. Especially when it came to the moments he felt guilty or blamed himself for not being enough, Su-ha always seemed to catch on instantly and explain things first, just like now.

While Chaewon was lost in those thoughts, Su-ha stepped a little closer and spoke in a heavier tone.

“From now on, there will be more and more situations where we’ll need to proceed with mucosal contact.”

At those words, Chaewon lifted his gaze and met Su-ha’s eyes. Su-ha’s face looked faintly tense.

Chaewon thought he could understand how he felt. Even if physical contact for guiding was common between Espers and Guides, it would naturally be uncomfortable with someone he hadn’t known for long. If Su-ha really could read his thoughts, he might have sighed first.

Still stiff-faced, Su-ha continued.

“So… even if it’s a little uncomfortable or unpleasant right now, I hope you’ll endure it… and slowly get used to it.”

He stumbled over his words several times, unlike himself. If it had been someone else, or even just a short while ago, he wouldn’t have had such difficulty saying this.

After all, it was a kind of work. Su-ha wasn’t doing this for personal gain, so there was no reason to hesitate or feel guilty.

But things were different now. Su-ha’s feelings were no longer the same as before. He couldn’t be certain that there was truly no personal emotion mixed into the way he guided Chaewon.

It was true that Chaewon needed guiding. And among the various methods, mucosal contact was by far the most efficient, especially for someone like Chaewon, whose side effects were severe.

Rationally, Su-ha knew that prioritizing that method above all else was the right thing to do.

The problem was that his own heart wasn’t moving purely out of necessity.

Even today was proof of that. His judgment in proceeding with mucosal contact guiding in the guiding room hadn’t been wrong. But as he moved within Chaewon’s mouth and continued the guiding, it would have been impossible to say there were no personal emotions involved.

No, if he were honest, it would be fair to say he had been driven by personal desire.

Using Chaewon’s desperation as an Esper struggling with thirst as an excuse, Su-ha had clearly pushed him as though they were sharing something mutual, something that went beyond mere duty. If anyone should apologize here, it wasn’t Chaewon. It was himself.

At that moment, Chaewon, who had been listening quietly, spoke.

“Why would I feel uncomfortable or unpleasant?”

He looked puzzled, clearly not understanding Su-ha’s words. Without waiting for an answer, he continued.

“I mean… you’re just providing the treatment I need as my Guide, right? Whether it’s close contact or mucosal contact, you’re not forcing something bad on me. So why would you say that?”

“That’s…”

“You’re my Guide, Su-ha.”

My Guide.

He had heard those words from Chaewon’s lips before, but hearing them now struck him with incomparable weight.

He wanted to pour deeper meaning into those words, not just a relationship more closely entangled through work, but something irreplaceable. He wanted to be someone unique, someone who could never be substituted by anyone else.

It was a feeling he had never expected to have, for anyone, let alone Lee Chaewon.

“I’ll try not to worry… about whether you feel bad for guiding me… anymore.”

Chaewon had never fully understood why Su-ha was so bothered whenever he apologized. But now that their positions were reversed, he thought he understood at least a little. Watching someone apologize for something they didn’t need to apologize for wasn’t easy.

Gathering his courage, Chaewon carefully lifted his hand and gently covered the back of Su-ha’s hand where it rested on the bed.

He couldn’t say he wasn’t worried about how Su-ha might feel, but what gave him courage in that moment were all the countless moments of kindness Su-ha had shown him.

Through words, through actions, through the gaze they had exchanged time and time again, Su-ha had shown him that their relationship had grown closer, closer than before.

Through his palm covering the back of Su-ha’s hand, Chaewon felt the faint tension there. Growing nervous as well, he swallowed and continued.

“So you… don’t have to feel sorry toward me for something like that either.”

For a brief moment, Su-ha’s eyes seemed to deepen. Then he turned his hand over and clasped Chaewon’s. Chaewon wondered if he had started guiding, but no energy flowed through their joined hands. Su-ha simply held his hand without doing anything.

Strangely, that made his heart itch. They weren’t even guiding, yet their skin touched and their hands were intertwined so intimately. It made his cheeks warm and his heart race.

Worried that the pounding of his heart might somehow be conveyed, Chaewon bit his lower lip lightly, unable to say anything. Then, almost as if murmuring to himself, Su-ha said,

“…Shall we begin the guiding?”

Chaewon wanted to ask, why hadn’t he guided him the moment he took his hand? If he hadn’t intended to guide, then why had he held it?

It had only been a short time. It wouldn’t have been strange to think of it as preparation before beginning. And yet, he still wanted to ask. As though hoping there had been another reason.

“Yes.”

Pressing down that feeling, Chaewon answered as calmly as he could. At the same time, Suha stepped closer—very close. Releasing their joined hands, he lifted one and gently cupped Chaewon’s face.

Chaewon held his breath without realizing it. For a moment, he was flustered, wondering what was happening, then he remembered Su-ha’s earlier words about needing to grow accustomed to mucosal contact.

He had thought it was merely an informational remark, but now he realized it might not have been so simple.

Even as his mind whispered surely not, his heart began to race. As the hand cradling his cheek slowly drew him closer and Su-ha lowered his head as well, Chaewon had to clutch the blanket tightly with both hands just to keep from pushing him away out of sheer nerves.

It’s just guiding. Reacting with such personal emotion to something like this would be rude to Su-ha. He repeated those thoughts in his head, but he couldn’t control the trembling at the edge of his lips.

He wondered if Su-ha might be displeased by his reaction and pull back, but Su-ha didn’t hesitate and continued to approach.

Finally, when their faces were so close that their noses could almost touch, Chaewon shut his eyes first, unable to endure it.

He didn’t even have the presence of mind to consider whether that was improper. With his eyes closed, he could feel Su-ha’s breath against him more vividly. Without intending to, his own breathing stopped.

Then, as Su-ha tilted his chin slightly upward, Chaewon felt a sensation he had never experienced in his life.

At first, it was merely the light touch of lips brushing against lips. For a fleeting moment, Chaewon thought that perhaps guiding could proceed like this, just as it did when they held hands. It was a strange feeling, both reassuring and somehow disappointing.

But soon, the grip of his hands on the blanket tightened further. Su-ha parted his lips slightly, drew Chaewon’s lower lip in, and gently traced over it with the tip of his tongue.

A shiver ran down his spine like a surge of electricity. For the first time, Chaewon realized the human body could feel something like this.

When he had first received guiding, the unfamiliar sensation had startled him. But what he felt now was on a completely different track.

To be honest, Chaewon couldn’t even be sure whether Su-ha was infusing him with energy at all. Everything felt entirely different from anything he had known before.

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