Chapter 37: Rest Is Not a Crime

Unaware of what Ye-seon and Su-ha were feeling as they looked at him, Chaewon lowered his gaze slightly and continued speaking in a quiet voice.

“Even if you give me a day off, there’s nothing in particular I’d do… and nowhere I’d go either… so I just want to continue training right away.
I want to fulfill my role as soon as possible, even if it’s just one day earlier.”

“Chaewon.”

“I heard there’s training scheduled with Team Leader Joo Giyun… Couldn’t we start that right away?”

What could possibly make it that urgent?

Seeing Chaewon clasp both hands together and plead with Ye-seon like that left both Su-ha and Ye-seon at a complete loss for words.

It felt impossible to decide which part of Chaewon’s statement needed to be corrected first.

The fact that he said he didn’t need a day off.

The fact that an S-rank Esper viewed his own existence as nothing more than someone wasting resources.

And on top of that, the fact that he was eagerly waiting for training with Giyoon, there was simply too much to address.

No matter how beneficial it might be for someone personally, if you asked the Espers in this center whether they wanted to train with Joo Giyoon, most would recoil and click their tongues in dread.

If it were absolutely necessary, they would endure it, but there would never be anyone who would even say, out of politeness, that they wanted to train with Giyoon as soon as possible.

And yet, someone who had just been pushed to his absolute limit in training with I-hyeon only yesterday was now asking to train with Giyoon immediately?

Even if Chaewon hadn’t been in the center long enough to fully grasp Giyoon’s personality and capabilities, there was no way he hadn’t sensed his nature after already encountering him.

Yes-eon found Chaewon so baffling that he lost his words for a moment and could only stare blankly at his gentle face.

Breaking the silence, it was Su-ha who spoke to Chaewon in a firm voice.

“That’s absolutely not possible. You underwent high-intensity training with Team Leader Min just yesterday. Going straight into training of a similar intensity would be excessive.”

“But-”

This time, Chaewon opened his mouth to argue.

However, Su-ha didn’t stop speaking and instead turned his gaze directly to Ye-seon and continued.

“Lee Chaewon is unable to properly recognize his own pain due to his circumstances prior to awakening. As Chaewon’s guide-!”

At that point, silence briefly fell over the office.

Chaewon and Ye-seon both looked at Su-ha with surprise.

Su-ha, as if startled by his own words, stopped for a moment and took a breath.

The tip of his tongue burned slightly where he had said the words, “Chaewon’s guide.”

Soon after, Su-ha spoke again.

“…As the guide of Esper Lee Chaewon, I am confident that I have a better grasp of his condition. Proceeding with training immediately is unreasonable, and Chaewon needs rest.”

There had been days when Su-ha longed for the moment he could say words like these for an Esper.

Every time he heard stories like heroic legends, of Espers who always advanced into the most dangerous battlefields, standing at the front to lead their teams, Su-ha didn’t just admire them.

He wanted to stand by their side, to help them be even a little less exposed to danger.

He had spent a very long time wishing to become someone who could stand in front of them if necessary.

And now, Su-ha was sitting here, speaking not for the Esper he had always dreamed of, but for Lee Chaewon.

Strangely enough, he didn’t feel the emptiness or resentment he thought he would.

That unfamiliarity should have made him think he was in the wrong place.

Yet, oddly enough, those thoughts didn’t come at all.

That, in itself, felt strange, and Su-ha pressed his lips together and let out a small sigh.

Ye-seon, who had been quietly observing the guide who had only now begun to truly do his job, spoke with a lighter expression than before.

“Guide Jin Su-ha is right. Right now, Chaewon, you’re pushing yourself too hard. It’s true that because your side effects are severe, it may take you longer than other Espers before you can be deployed in the field.”

“Yes. That’s why I should train more-!”

“But Chaewon. Other Espers also need time before being assigned missions after they awaken and enter the center. Training is something all Espers affiliated with the center must do, and it’s the management team’s responsibility to guide that properly.”

“…”

“Are you saying that the time other rookie Espers spend training is all meaningless?”

At Ye-seon’s question, Chaewon’s eyes widened, and he hurriedly shook his head.

He hadn’t intended that at all, but hearing Ye-seon’s words made him realize that it could easily be taken that way.

The world Chaewon had belonged to never waited for someone with his slower pace.

Chaewon had always had to do several times more than others, and do everything faster and better.

Even then, it was common for him to be treated worse.

Chaewon hadn’t realized that those long years, the habits and compulsions ingrained by that life, had filled him so completely.

He had simply thought that was how things were supposed to be.

Ye-seon quietly watched Chaewon’s gaze slowly sink, then softened his voice and spoke again.

“Chaewon, you’re doing very well right now. To you, it probably feels like only your shortcomings stand out, but I can promise you this. You’re already doing more than enough, so don’t rush yourself.”

“Yes…”

“Then I’ll trust that Guide Jin Su-ha will explain the rest more thoroughly. You can go now. Starting today, talk it over with Suha and think about how you’ll rest and enjoy your time off.”

After finishing, Ye-seon looked at Su-ha and gave him a playful wink.

After seeing Su-ha’s attitude in the training room yesterday, Ye-seon had wondered if something positive might be changing between the two of them.

Even so, he hadn’t expected Su-ha’s demeanor to change this much overnight.

Well, anyone would find it difficult not to open their heart after watching someone like Lee Chaewon up close.

Smiling, Ye-seon watched the slender yet resilient Esper leave the room after offering a greeting, followed by the foolish guide trailing after him.

For some reason, he felt like humming a tune.

****

“I think I misspoke.”

On the way back to the dorm, Chaewon turned to Su-ha and said in a gloomy voice.

Su-ha, lost in thought over his unfamiliar self, snapped back to attention at the sound of Chaewon’s voice and looked at him.

Chaewon’s gentle eyes drooped downward like a cat caught in the rain.

“I really didn’t mean to belittle the efforts of other Espers… I just said the wrong thing…”

“Oh, if that’s what you’re worried about, there’s no need. Team Leader Woo probably didn’t misunderstand you like that.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. I understand exactly what you meant.”

“Yes…”

At Su-ha’s answer, Chaewon nodded with difficulty, though he still didn’t look fully convinced.

When Chaewon learned that he had awakened as an Esper, he had been certain that the world around him had completely changed.

But as time passed, he realized that what he had grasped in that moment was nothing more than reading a sentence written in empty air.

A reality that couldn’t be explained by the single word “changed” pressed into his skin every single day.

The things Chaewon had believed were right, the things he had taken for granted, the things he had convinced himself were justified, all of them warped moment by moment.

“It’s not okay for you to be okay.”

Su-ha’s words from the night before echoed in his ears.

That he had to be okay.

That being okay was the right thing.

Words Chaewon had repeated to himself countless nights came rushing back in Su-ha’s voice.

“Please don’t think those things were natural.”

“I hope you can accept that, Chaewon.”

Each time he replayed Su-ha’s words, Chaewon’s steps slowed.

He didn’t know how to accept the fact that the things he had believed were natural his entire life had never been natural at all.

“Chaewon.”

Then, Su-ha’s voice, real, not a memory, called out to him.

When Chaewon turned his head, Su-ha was looking down at him with an expression that was difficult to read.

Before Chaewon could answer, Su-ha continued.

“You can take it slow.”

“…”

“Overcoming the side effects, changing how you think everything. You can do it slowly. There’s no need to rush.”

Chaewon’s lips trembled slightly as he listened to Su-ha.

In that moment, he wanted to say this.

‘If I don’t hurry, won’t you be stuck with me even longer? If I don’t get it together quickly, won’t you stay tied to me longer than you should?’

“…Okay. I will.”

But instead of saying those words honestly, Chaewon simply nodded and answered obediently.

If he said something like that, Su-ha might blame himself, thinking his careless words had only burdened Chaewon further.

Chaewon hoped Su-ha would no longer feel sorry toward him.

He didn’t want to receive any more of his apologies.