Chapter 56: If I Stay, Will You Break?

Su-ha’s quiet voice brushed against Chaewon’s ear. If Chaewon really did change his path like this, it would surely cause an uproar, but so what? This wasn’t a national emergency, and that wasn’t something Chaewon needed to worry about.

Chaewon lowered his gaze to the ground and fell into thought without answering right away. It was something he had never truly considered before.

He had believed that awakening with such power naturally meant fighting for the public good. And because of that, he had found himself unbearably lacking whenever he failed to live up to that role.

At the same time, Chaewon began to wonder why Su-ha was saying all this to him now. If he weren’t such an inadequate esper, would Su-ha still be saying the same things?

In a subdued voice, Chaewon finally spoke.

“Is it possible that you’re saying this… because you don’t trust me?”

Su-ha looked at him in surprise at the unexpected question. Chaewon didn’t look hurt, but even from that calm expression, Su-ha could read the traces of a life in which Chaewon had never truly believed in his own abilities. While Su-ha hesitated, Chae-won continued.

“Because I don’t seem like I’d be much help in the field… so maybe that’s why…”

“No. No, Chaewon. That’s not it.”

Su-ha hurriedly cut him off, his voice sounding genuinely startled, before Chaewon could continue down the path of saying that he’d only be a burden to others and that Su-ha was suggesting another path for that reason.

Only then did Chaewon turn his head to look at Su-ha, his gaze sharp, as if trying to see straight through anything Su-ha might be hiding.

Su-ha didn’t avoid that gaze. He met Chaewon’s dark eyes head-on and spoke.

“It’s the opposite.”

“…What?”

“I’m saying this not because you’re lacking, but because I know you’d do too well.”

Chaewon tilted his head, lips pressed together, unable to grasp what Su-ha meant. If Su-ha had said the opposite, it would have made sense, but these words only confused him more. Having fully regained his composure, Su-ha continued.

“I know that even in the most dangerous moments, you’d stand in front of others to the very end, without caring for your own body.”

Even well-trained rookie espers froze up in fear when they first went into the field. It was a perfectly natural human response. They failed to use their powers properly, sometimes couldn’t even take a single step forward, their legs giving out beneath them.

But what about Chaewon?

He hadn’t trained for long at all, and the training he had done was focused on understanding his power while coping with side effects, not proper combat training. He hadn’t even been officially dispatched; he’d merely been swept up in an unexpected incident.

It was a situation where most people wouldn’t dare step forward.

“Chaewon…”

As Su-ha spoke, the image of Chaewon shielding others from the enemy’s attack, without even knowing what kind of harm might come to himself, rose vividly in his mind.

Having already shown that kind of resolve, Su-ha could clearly imagine how Chaewon would fight once officially deployed. And that future was precisely what frightened him.

“You thought it was only natural for you to do that. All along.”

“I…”

“Someone needed to tell you that it isn’t natural. That even if you take on this work and its responsibilities, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to sacrifice your own safety.”

Chaewon fell silent again, slowly turning Su-ha’s words over and over in his mind.

When he had first realized he possessed power, when he thought he had been given a second life beyond death, he had believed something very much like what Su-ha was saying now.

That there must be a reason. That giving a second chance to someone as insignificant as himself couldn’t have been meaningless.

Whether it was God, some absolute being, or a vast fate beyond human comprehension, he believed that this power hadn’t been given without purpose. And so he thought he had to use it, to the best of his ability, for the sake of the weak.

It wasn’t that Chaewon forced himself to do something he hated out of obligation. Even in his previous life, he had always wished for the strength to protect others. Becoming an esper and taking on that duty made him happy. He wanted to do well.

But the truth he couldn’t deny was this: he had never once thought that he had a choice. Chaewon believed that even enduring pain was simply something he was meant to accept.

“I… I…”

He hesitated, as if he’d forgotten how to speak. Words wouldn’t come easily.

Suddenly, Chaewon realized this wasn’t the first time he’d failed to fully understand Su-ha’s words.

There had been a time before, when Su-ha apologized for his actions, and when Chaewon said it was fine, only for Su-ha to tell him that it shouldn’t be fine. That Chaewon had every right to be angry. Back then too, Chaewon hadn’t been able to grasp what Su-ha meant.

Su-ha kept saying things Chaewon had never heard before. Things he thought weren’t allowed for him. That what he believed to be natural actually wasn’t. That what he thought suited him should never have been accepted in the first place.

The fear he’d felt in the field resurfaced, an emotion he’d buried and never revisited amid the chaos. Only now did Chaewon truly realize that choosing this life meant continuing to face danger and fear. It was something he should have considered long ago.

Watching Chaewon repeatedly start and stop as if swallowing his words, Su-ha spoke.

“I’m not asking you to answer me right now.”

“…”

“Just… before you make any decision, think about it seriously. When you do decide, tell me then, no matter what you choose.”

As he said this, Su-ha reflected on his own heart. If Chaewon didn’t join the combat unit, Su-ha would naturally no longer be his guide. As a guide with rare and outstanding combat capability, he wouldn’t be assigned to a rear-support esper.

If anyone who knew Su-ha saw this scene, they might assume he was saying all this just to free himself from being Chaewon’s paired guide. Even Su-ha had wondered whether some lingering attachment to that idea existed deep inside him.

“…I’ll help you,” he said quietly. “So you can think about this for yourself.”

But that wasn’t it.

No matter how things had started, Su-ha wasn’t looking at Chaewon that way anymore.

He simply wanted to be a guide who truly helped him. As a paired guide, he wanted to support everything about Chaewon. He wanted to protect someone who struggled to take care of himself. That was all.

“Everything you’re saying… it’s all very difficult for me,” Chaewon murmured softly.

Having finally calmed his racing thoughts at Su-ha’s urging to take his time, Chaewon spoke quietly. Su-ha suddenly felt the urge to pull him into an embrace and comfort him, but he forcibly ignored the absurd desire and replied calmly,

“I see.”

Chaewon nodded.

“You keep telling me things I thought were never allowed for me.”

“They’re not things that require permission. They’re things everyone is entitled to. So try to get used to them, from now on.”

“…Okay.”

“…I’ll help you. I’ll stay by your side.”

Chaewon couldn’t respond to Su-ha’s final words. They made him unbearably happy—but he knew they were only a promise with an expiration date.

The more he got to know Su-ha, the closer they became as esper and guide, the more Chaewon had to remind himself not to forget that Su-ha was someone who would eventually leave him.

From the moment they met, theirs had been a relationship with an ending.

No matter how much he liked him, no matter how reliable he was, no matter how much he wanted to lean on him, Su-ha would one day leave and become I-hyeon’s guide.

Chaewon reminded himself of that truth over and over, so he wouldn’t forget himself and rely on Su-ha too much.

The way he could repay Su-ha was to grow stronger as quickly as possible, and then let him go.