Chapter 109: Stand Beside Me by Choice

Chaewon hurriedly raised his voice and denied Su-ha’s words.

It was true that he had refused because of Su-ha, but it was absolutely not because he was afraid Su-ha would get angry.

He continued at once.

“To be honest, I did refuse because I was thinking about you, Su-ha… I did, but…”

“…”

“It wasn’t because I was scared you’d get mad at me, or say something harsh. Absolutely not.”

“Then why…?”

“I… I just…”

Chaewon paused and took a deep breath.

He worried over how to explain it without causing another misunderstanding.

But in the end, the answer was simple.

If he truly wanted to be sincere with Su-ha, then the best way was to speak plainly, without pretense.

“I just… didn’t want to do something that would hurt you.”

“…”

“Of course I know you wouldn’t blame me over something like that. But even so, if you knew, you’d definitely think about it. I didn’t want to make you worry over something like that.”

The result was the same, he had refused because of Su-ha.

But refusing out of fear and refusing out of concern were completely different things.

Chaewon wanted Su-ha to understand that clearly.

“I wasn’t walking on eggshells around you. I hope you don’t misunderstand that.”

In the past, he would have refused because he was afraid of Su-ha’s reaction.

There was no need to pile on more negative feelings with someone who already disliked him and found working with him burdensome.

No matter how much I-hyeon cared for him, he couldn’t stay by Chaewon’s side the way his pair guide could.

In that situation, risking further resentment from Su-ha just to spend a brief dinner together would have been foolish.

But now, things were completely different.

Chaewon wanted Su-ha to recognize that difference.

“To be precise, it wasn’t because of you. It was because of me. I didn’t want to meet Team Leader Min if it meant making you think about it. That’s why I refused.”

At that moment, Su-ha felt the familiar resonance he thought he had grown used to surge through him again.

Because to him, Chaewon’s words sounded like this:

Your heart matters that much to me.

If you feel hurt, I feel hurt too.

You matter that much.

So I chose to protect your heart.

That was how it sounded to Su-ha.

Chaewon was kind. Gentle.

He would care if anyone were hurt, not just his pair guide.

But in this moment, Su-ha wanted to be someone more special to him than anyone else at the center.

Even if it wasn’t love yet, he wanted to be someone incomparable.

And he wanted Chaewon’s refusal of Min I-hyeon’s offer to be proof of that.

Suppressing his pounding heart, Su-ha spoke carefully.

“If you were to spend time with Team Leader Min… I would definitely be bothered by it. I’d think about it a lot.”

At that, Chaewon’s flustered expression faded.

Instead, he looked calm, almost as if that reaction were only natural.

Which meant Su-ha’s earlier reassurances that things were different now hadn’t fully reached him.

Su-ha took a short breath.

If he wanted to be someone special, then he had to be honest first.

He wasn’t someone experienced with love or emotions like that.

If anything, he probably looked clueless and frustrating to others.

Still, he believed he was more familiar with these feelings than Chaewon was.

Unless something drastic happened, Chaewon would never see him as more than a precious colleague or friend.

Even if one day he developed special feelings, he would probably suppress them and blame himself.

If he wanted to cross the distance Chaewon had drawn around himself, he would have to run faster and farther.

So, pushing aside the embarrassment, the awkwardness, even the fear, Su-ha spoke.

“But it’s not because I still see Team Leader Min as someone special.”

“…What?”

Chaewon, who had been listening quietly until now, looked startled.

“What bothers me is you spending time with someone else.”

“…What?”

“You having dinner alone with someone who isn’t me. That’s what bothers me.”

He tried to sound calm. Casual.

But his heart felt as though it might burst out of his chest.

He had never felt it beat this hard before.

He knew Chaewon tended to assume the best of him, but now that he had laid his feelings bare, he couldn’t predict the response, and that frightened him.

Chaewon’s lips parted, then closed again before he finally managed,

“Su-ha… I don’t think I understand.”

For a split second, Su-ha almost laughed.

Not out of mockery, but because the tension suddenly snapped.

That single response showed just how incapable Chaewon was of accepting someone else’s affection.

He had understood.

He just couldn’t believe it.

Su-ha gently clasped the back of Chaewon’s hand.

He didn’t need to reach out with his senses to know how much Chaewon was trembling.

“You and I haven’t even spent that much time alone outside the center.”

“Ah…”

“But hearing that you might meet Team Leader Min alone bothered me.”

“Why… why would it…?”

“Because…”

He hesitated for only a heartbeat.

“Because I’m jealous.”

When Chaewon had asked why, Su-ha had wavered.

He didn’t know how far he could go without overwhelming him.

“Who would be pleased to hear that someone they care about is meeting another person who clearly has feelings for them?”

Someone they care about.

He chose his words carefully, not too direct, but enough for Chaewon to grasp.

“I… I…”

Chaewon stammered, as if he had heard something he wasn’t meant to.

He had never once in his life been someone special to another person outside of family.

It felt like wearing clothes that didn’t fit.

As if encouraging him, Su-ha continued gently,

“It’s not about Team Leader Min. It’s because you’re special to me. That’s why I couldn’t welcome the idea of you meeting him alone.”

“But… but you admired Team Leader Min…”

“Yes. I admired Esper Min I-hyeon. Respected him. He was my goal, my dream.”

He couldn’t erase that.

And it was Su-ha himself who had carved that fact deeply into Chaewon’s heart.

“But that’s in the past. I’m not living there anymore.”

“…”

“My present is with you. And I want my future to be with you as well.”

Future.

The word lingered strangely in Chaewon’s ears.

He had never truly allowed himself to have one.

Not even his own.

Yet Su-ha had just said his future was with him.

For the first time, Chaewon felt as if a future had been placed in his hands.

“Now, and from here on, you are far more important to me than Esper Min I-hyeon.”

“…”

“I hope… someday, you’ll believe that.”

He wanted Chaewon to believe him now.

But he softened it with someday, unwilling to burden him.

“And so…”

There was one more thing he had to say.

“That’s why I think you should have dinner with Team Leader Min at least once.”

Chaewon’s eyes widened.

“If you refuse because of me, you’ll keep thinking about it. And I don’t want that.”

“Su-ha…”

“If you meet him and still feel the same, then I won’t question it again. But I don’t want you choosing something while holding yourself back because of me.”

His grip tightened slightly around Chaewon’s hand.

“I want you to choose me because you want to. Not because you’re worried about my feelings.”

Silence fell between them, fragile and trembling.

Su-ha’s heart still pounded violently in his chest.

“I’ll be jealous,” he admitted quietly.

“I’ll probably hate it. I’ll think about it all day.”

His eyes did not waver.

“But even so… I don’t want to cage you.”

Chaewon’s fingers trembled in his grasp.

“For me to stand beside you,” Su-ha continued, voice low but steady, “it has to be because you decided I’m the one you want there.”

He exhaled slowly.

“I’m not afraid of being jealous.”

What he was afraid of was Chaewon staying by his side out of guilt.

“And no matter what,” he added softly, “I’ll still choose you.”

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