Chapter 93: Replace Me?

“Well, maybe I would’ve become Director Min’s guide like I wanted before long. Or maybe that day would never have come.”

“…”

“What matters is… even if I really could have become Director Min’s guide, it doesn’t feel like a missed opportunity now.”

Jeong Jin’s face stiffened at Su-ha’s unexpected words. Being a guide wasn’t Su-ha’s entire life, but his career as one had revolved completely around Min I-hyeon. It was hard to believe that he was now saying something like this.

He had noticed that Su-ha and Chaewon had grown much closer recently, from what he’d seen and heard. But he hadn’t imagined it had gone this far. Seeing Jeong Jin’s expression, Su-ha let out a small laugh and continued.

“But if I think about it calmly… even if I hadn’t met Chaewon-ssi, I probably wouldn’t have become Director Min’s pair guide.”

“Come on, that’s-!”

“When I was running like crazy toward that one goal, I didn’t realize it. Like a racehorse with blinders on, I couldn’t see anything around me. I just thought if I ran hard enough, I’d reach the finish line.”

He didn’t regret the time he had spent chasing the chance to become I-hyeon’s guide. Those moments had pushed him to grow faster and stronger than any other guide.

But now that he had stepped off that path, he understood something he hadn’t before: no matter how exceptional he became, it still might never have happened.

“Can you imagine how pathetic I would’ve ended up if I hadn’t met Chaewon-ssi?”

At Su-ha’s self-mocking question, Jeong Jin fell silent. Su-ha hadn’t expected an answer anyway.

Ever since he became aware of where he truly stood, Su-ha often found himself thinking about it. If Chaewon hadn’t appeared back then, or if his side effects hadn’t been so severe that the higher-ups felt compelled to assign Su-ha to him, what would have happened?

Even without Chaewon, he would have realized the truth eventually. If Lee-hyun had truly intended to choose him as a guide, there would have been clearer signs.

Sooner or later, he would have had to confront the unmistakable distance I-hyeon maintained every time they crossed paths.

And then what? How would he have endured that loss? Could he have handled the emptiness of losing the goal that had defined his entire life as a guide overnight?

Shaking his head lightly, Su-ha continued.

“Chaewon-ssi would’ve done well no matter who his guide was. But me? Without him, I probably wouldn’t have been okay.”

The higher-ups who had ordered Su-ha to become Chaewon’s pair guide, Ye-seon who delivered the order, even Su-ha himself, and Chaewon too, had probably believed that Su-ha would be the one covering for Chaewon’s shortcomings.

But reality had been the opposite.

Chaewon had been the one who saved Su-ha from a destined collapse.

“Why are you making it sound so dramatic… Just drink first!”

Embarrassed by hearing such vulnerability from the senior guide he had always admired, Jeong Jin raised his voice lightly to ease the atmosphere. To Su-ha, these thoughts had already been sorted out. But to Jeong Jin, they clearly felt heavier.

Su-ha played along, clinking his can lightly against Jeong Jin’s before taking another swallow of still-cold beer. Jeong Jin tilted his head back to drink as well, then suddenly exclaimed, “Ah!”

“But hyung, if you really feel that way… you might want to be careful.”

“Careful? About what?”

“Everyone knows you were running toward Director Min. So a lot of people figured your pair with Chaewon-ssi wouldn’t last long.”

Su-ha nodded quietly.

He had always drawn attention as a guide, and rejecting Gi-yoon’s pair proposal had only made him more famous.

Especially since the reason was his intention to become Min I-hyeon’s guide, something Gi-yoon openly despised. In a place as contained as the Center, it was obvious how much gossip that had stirred.

So it wasn’t unreasonable that many assumed this half-forced pairing with Chaewon wouldn’t last. But Jeong Jin’s expression grew more serious as he lowered his voice, even though no one else was around.

“Because of that… there are a few people eyeing Chaewon-ssi’s pair guide position.”

“What?!”

This time, Su-ha practically shouted. Jeong Jin flinched at his reaction, but Su-ha pressed immediately.

“What do you mean?”

His tone was completely different from the calm voice he had used moments earlier. Jeong Jin hunched his shoulders slightly, answering carefully.

“Just what I said. If your pair breaks, they’ll need to appoint a new guide for Chaewon-ssi. So some of them are trying to at least make an impression now. By then, Chaewon-ssi’s opinion will matter more…”

“Ridiculous…”

“Especially Gong Tae-jun.”

“Gong Tae-jun?” Su-ha repeated.

That name alone doubled his irritation. Tae-jun had always acted overly familiar with Chaewon. Hearing his name in this context made it worse.

“I heard he’s been openly asking around about Chaewon-ssi’s guide position.”

Su-ha let out a disbelieving laugh. Tae-jun’s interest in Chaewon itself wasn’t surprising. Even when Su-ha was present, he had been blatant about it. But Su-ha had assumed it was just clingy friendliness. He hadn’t imagined Tae-jun was seriously aiming for the guide position.

Trying to take over someone else’s established pair was not only rude, it could escalate into major conflict between awakened individuals. It was a sensitive issue even at the organizational level.

In other words, openly declaring interest in replacing a currently assigned guide was not something done lightly. It could damage internal evaluations.

And yet Tae-jun was apparently saying it openly.

It was blatant disregard for Jin Su-ha’s existence.

The anger that flared inside him quickly shifted into something else.

This was his fault.

He had been the one loudly making it known, if not in direct words, then in unmistakable attitude, that he was dissatisfied being Chaewon’s guide. That he would leave the moment he had the chance to become Min I-hyeon’s guide.

Anyone with eyes could read that intent in the way he treated Chaewon.

In the cafeteria, in the training room, whether people were watching or not, he had maintained that stance. It was only natural that others would repeat what they saw. If he himself hadn’t bothered to hide it, why would anyone else hesitate to talk?

And once Chaewon’s name began to spread and his reputation grew, Su-ha’s own visible indifference had likely given other guides justification to covet his position.

If a guide showed no attachment to their Esper, what was wrong with someone else aiming for that spot?

“I… I really…”

If he could, Su-ha would have gone back and grabbed his past self by the collar. Instead, he let out a deep sigh, unable to finish the sentence.

More than being irritated by Gong Tae-jun, what disgusted him was how openly rude he himself had been to Chaewon, so much so that everyone had noticed.

“Well, still… if your feelings have really changed that much, no one can do anything now.”

Jeong Jin tried to smooth things over, but it did nothing to comfort Su-ha.

As long as the pair wasn’t dissolved, no one could push him out.

What weighed on him was something else.

The fact that he had treated Chaewon so coldly that everyone could see it.

To realize that Chaewon, who already had so much to navigate and endure, had likely suffered because of him… that was unbearable.

“…Let’s just drink.”

Su-ha muttered it like a sigh and drained the rest of his beer.

What truly unsettled him, what truly frightened him…

Was the possibility that those past days had permanently turned Chaewon’s heart away. That inside Chaewon’s heart, he might no longer remain as a guide worthy of trust. That his resolve to stand by Chaewon as his guide might, in the end, mean nothing at all to him.

It was a fear Su-ha couldn’t even voice aloud, afraid that speaking it might make it real.

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