Chapter 78: I’m Staying

Once they had fully settled into a stable position, Su-ha gradually increased the output of the energy he had briefly held back. In his arms, Chaewon let out a warm breath and lightly rubbed his cheek against Su-ha’s shoulder.

By now, Su-ha knew it was one of Chaewon’s unconscious habits during guiding. For an Esper, it was an unusually endearing one.

Each Esper had small, unconscious behaviors that surfaced during guiding. If those habits were too rough or unpleasant, they could even cause conflict with their guide. Su-ha had guided many Espers before and seen all kinds of habits, but something this cute was a first.

Or perhaps it was simply because it was Chaewon. Even if someone else had done something similar before, it would never have felt special to him.

The moment he realized that, Su-ha truly understood how pivotal this was in his life. Not just as a word, but in truth, Chaewon was someone special to him. Even if dozens or hundreds of others did the same thing, only that one person held meaning.

For Su-ha, that one person was Chaewon.

It was a frighteningly unfamiliar emotion.

Slowly stroking down Chaewon’s back, Su-ha spoke.

“Chaewon.”

“…Yes.”

Even the slightly delayed response, dulled by the guiding, sounded sweet to his ears. Before acknowledging his feelings, he had pretended not to notice these things. Now they had grown too large to ignore, pressing against his heart at every moment.

For a second, Su-ha fell silent, feeling as if he were running alone down a path Chaewon hadn’t even stepped onto yet. But instead of avoiding the swelling emotion, he spoke.

“Thank you.”

“…What?”

Still languid from the guiding, Chaewon startled at the unexpected words and flinched slightly. Su-ha only pulled him closer, preventing him from sitting up.

“Thank you… for becoming my Esper.”

Chaewon thought that was completely wrong. It wasn’t that he had become Su-ha’s Esper. If anything, it was the other way around. No matter how he looked at it, Su-ha had become his guide.

He opened his mouth to protest, but at that moment Su-ha’s energy surged deep inside him, so intensely that he couldn’t form words. Su-ha continued.

“And for continuing to accept someone as lacking as me.”

A massive wave of energy poured through him, threatening to fill even the tips of his fingers and toes. Chaewon clutched the fabric near Su-ha’s chest tightly, his body trembling.

The sensation was so intense it could almost be called pleasure; it stole his breath and overwhelmed him.

He had thought he was used to guiding by now. But this felt entirely different from anything he had known.

What Chaewon didn’t realize was that it was because Su-ha was pouring desperate sincerity into this moment. For a guide as skilled as him to lose perfect control of his output, this was how badly he needed to say these words.

“And for not rejecting me… even after such a late apology.”

“S-Su-ha, that’s enough… ah-”

The growing intensity drew a fragile sound from Chaewon’s lips. His body tensed, back arching slightly, toes curling.

It was overwhelming, so much so that he wanted it to stop. And yet at the same time, he wanted to accept it more deeply. Mere contact against his skin didn’t feel like enough. Not understanding what that longing meant, he could only cling to Su-ha’s clothes and tremble.

Su-ha stopped speaking. Instead, he cupped Chaewon’s cheek and guided him to look up.

At that close distance, close enough that their breaths brushed, meeting those dark eyes felt like being swallowed by an abyss.

How had he met someone like this? How had he come to feel something so special for him?

The tide of an emotion he had never known before crashed over him. He hadn’t prepared for it, but even if he had, it would have been impossible to withstand.

His gaze moved over Chaewon’s face, not calm, though steady. From those round, lovely eyes, down the neat bridge of his nose, to the parted lips trembling with breath. His eyes lingered there.

Suddenly, an overwhelming desire surged through him, to capture those lips roughly.

He could pretend it was part of guiding. But he knew that wasn’t true.

It was personal. Sticky. Wanting.

He didn’t care about transferring energy. He just wanted to taste him. To slip his tongue between those parted lips, still too startled to close, and explore the soft warmth inside.

He had once kissed Chaewon to guide him when he was unconscious, but doing it now, purely to satisfy his own desire, would be something entirely different.

His hand tightened around Chaewon’s face.

The opportunity was now. Chaewon was half-dazed from the overwhelming guiding.

If Su-ha wanted to, he could devour those lips at this very moment. Chaewon would never be able to tell whether it was for guiding, or for selfish desire.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Ah-!”

In an instant, the storm-like force filling Chaewon’s body receded. He buried his face into Su-ha’s chest, gasping. Su-ha bit his own lip hard enough to draw blood and stroked Chaewon’s back as he caught his breath.

“I’m sorry. I went too far.”

He repeated it again and again. As the heat faded, he became painfully aware of how shameless he had almost been, felt vividly through Chaewon’s trembling body and heated breath.

Chaewon trusted him. Completely.

If Su-ha said he could make red beans grow into soybeans, Chaewon would believe it. If Su-ha had kissed him and claimed it was necessary for him, Chaewon would have accepted it without a doubt.

And he had almost betrayed that trust for the sake of such base desire.

When the storm subsided, an indescribable self-loathing followed.

“I’m sorry, Chaewon…”

He held him carefully, as if applying even a little pressure might break him.

Was this what it meant? Was this what happened to people who realized they were in love, losing reason, acting unlike themselves?

For someone who had never once cared about love in his life, this was unbearably difficult.

“…Chaewon?”

Su-ha froze.

Because the hand that had been wrapped around his waist was now gently patting his back, just as he had done moments before.

When he looked down, Chaewon had lifted his head and was looking at him.

Seeing his flushed face and damp lashes brought guilt rushing back. Just as Su-ha was about to apologize again, Chaewon spoke first.

“It’s okay, Su-ha. Please don’t apologize.”

Su-ha shook his head. Chaewon didn’t know what he had almost done. He didn’t know why the guiding had suddenly become so overwhelming.

As Su-ha struggled to find words that wouldn’t expose everything, Chaewon continued.

“It’s just… I’m not used to it yet…”

“…”

“I liked it too… just now…”

Su-ha’s breath caught completely.

Chaewon, still holding his gaze, blinked slowly. The aftereffects of the sudden surge of guiding seemed to be making him sleepy. And yet he continued speaking, as if this were something that had to be said now.

“Your guiding always makes me feel comfortable… and happy…”

He knew nothing. Nothing of Su-ha’s turmoil. Just as on the day they first met, Chaewon interpreted everything he did in the kindest light and blamed any shortcomings on himself.

“So please don’t feel sorry. I’ll… get used to it faster.”

Just like now.

Unable to bear it any longer, Su-ha pulled him carefully back into his arms.

He had only just managed to fasten the first button properly, and already his heart was racing far ahead. How was he supposed to control this?

Chaewon had no idea of Su-ha’s feelings. To him, Su-ha was only his paired guide, nothing more, nothing less. He would have to close the distance slowly. Carefully. So Chaewon, who was likely just as unfamiliar with love, wouldn’t be startled or afraid.

Even that would not be easy for someone already growing impatient.

And on top of that, he would have to control the pace while guiding, something that would only grow deeper with time.

Feeling Chaewon’s breathing gradually settle into something completely at ease within his arms, Su-ha finally let out a deep sigh.

For some reason, he had a feeling the road ahead would not be smooth at all.

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