Chapter 61: Between Guiding and Wanting

He wanted to hold him tighter in his arms. He wanted to kiss his cheek, to stroke his back. And absurdly enough, that yearning had nothing to do with guiding at all.

Su-ha slowly pulled back just a little, then cupped Chaewon’s cheek with one hand and gently lifted his face so he would look at him.

Chaewon was clearly more accustomed to guiding than before, he no longer looked completely intoxicated, but his faintly flushed cheeks and moist eyes were still more than enough to shake Su-ha’s heart.

He still felt lost, but it seemed impossible not to say something. In the end, Su-ha looked straight into Chaewon’s eyes and spoke.

“…I want to be a good guide to you, Chaewon.”

Su-ha’s large hand brushed Chaewon’s cheek tenderly. Each time he did, Su-ha’s energy surged into Chaewon in rolling waves. The world before his eyes seemed to waver with that rhythm, and Chaewon felt a light dizziness, closing and opening his eyes repeatedly.

Su-ha continued speaking, transfixed by Chaewon’s dark eyes that vanished and reappeared again and again.

“I’m not working hard to become Min I-hyeon’s guide. Now… now this has nothing to do with that anymore.”

The reason Su-ha couldn’t state his feelings plainly in front of Chaewon was because he himself wasn’t yet certain what those feelings truly were.

It was true that, regardless of Min I-hyeon, he wanted to give Chaewon his best, to care for him, and even to protect him. As Lee Chaewon’s paired guide, he wanted to devote every effort he could to supporting him.

But did that mean he was ready to completely abandon the single goal he had carried in his heart all this time? That was something Su-ha couldn’t easily affirm.

He had long since let go of resentment, or thoughts that this situation was unnecessary, or that Chaewon was an obstacle in his path.

But if, even now, he were given the chance to become I-hyeon’s guide… Even if it was an absurd hypothetical, if that were to happen, could he truly say he wouldn’t take it?

Would he give up the dream he had wanted so desperately and remain Chaewon’s guide?

Su-ha couldn’t bring himself to be certain of that. And because of that, he couldn’t give Chaewon the one answer that would ease the guilt still lingering in his heart.

“The reason I went through training that other guides didn’t… yes. As you said, Chaewon, it was to prepare myself to become Team Leader Min’s guide.”

“…”

“But that’s not something you need to worry about. You definitely don’t need to feel guilty over it. Chaewon, I was never someone who had been promised the position of Team Leader Min’s guide.”

Of course, Su-ha had carried hope. He believed that if he worked this hard, one day he would surely reach the place he wanted. Without that conviction, he never would have endured such brutal training.

But that was only Su-ha’s hope. Just a small possibility that existed somewhere. A future no one had ever promised him.

“Right now, I am your paired guide, Chaewon. I’m trying not to think about anything beyond that. I want to get through all of this… together with you, my esper.”

At that moment, the single phrase that slipped from Su-ha’s lips, my esper, struck Chaewon sharply. The words he himself had once spoken, my guide, and Eunho’s words about becoming each other’s strongest allies seeped into Chaewon’s heart alongside Su-ha’s declaration.

It felt as if heat were rising through his body. Whether it was because of Su-ha’s energy, because of those words, or because he was intoxicated by guiding and indulging in unreasonable hopes, Chaewon couldn’t tell.

All he knew was that Su-ha’s thumb gently brushing beneath his eyes, never leaving his face, was an unmistakably vivid sensation, and that he liked it far too much.

“I am Lee Chaewon’s guide.”

Even though Chaewon knew that good things in his life always ended up breaking or being lost, he wanted to believe, if only for a moment, that Su-ha was truly his guide. He wanted to deceive himself into thinking it was a promise that would last forever.

“…Thank you.”

Even if this was a moment that would ultimately be broken, Chaewon was grateful to Su-ha for giving him such intoxicating hope, even briefly. Hiding the faint sadness in his heart, Chaewon smiled at him. This alone was enough for him.

****

“Wow…”

As Chaewon stepped into the training facility, he couldn’t help but gape and let out an exclamation at the sight before him.

The vast space filled with unfamiliar exercise equipment was astonishing enough, but seeing the people training there made it feel like he’d stepped into an entirely different world.

Men who looked at least twice Chaewon’s size were drenched in sweat, pushing, pulling, and lifting equipment in movements that seemed almost unreal. Every so often, their shouts echoed through the room, ringing in his ears.

Chaewon had never felt ashamed of his body before, but standing here now, he instinctively felt like covering himself. His slender frame suddenly seemed like a symbol of incompetence as an esper.

Looking slightly intimidated, Chaewon unconsciously moved closer to Su-ha’s side, sticking close as if searching for a place to hide. Seeing this, Su-ha glanced down at him, a smile touching his lips.

He knew it was ridiculous to think this way about a grown man, but moments like this always made Chaewon resemble a small, white rabbit.

“Lee Chaewon?”

The one who broke Su-ha’s thoughts was someone approaching them with a bright expression, calling out to Chaewon. Startled, Chaewon bowed slightly and spoke.

“Hello. Yes, I’m Lee Chaewon. Excuse me, but who are you…?”

“Oh, I heard you were coming today, so I waited. Nice to meet you, I’m Jin Se-jin. I’m a trainer who manages physical conditioning for espers. I’ll be helping with your fitness training.”

A beautiful woman with sharp, well-defined features smiled brightly and held out her hand to Chaewon. Her hair was pulled back tightly, revealing a long diagonal scar across her forehead. Chaewon replied with “Nice to meet you,” and shook her hand.

Watching quietly, Su-ha spoke.

“Did Team Leader Woo tell you?”

At his casual tone, Chaewon, who had just released Se-jin’s hand, turned to Su-ha with mild surprise. At the same time, Se-jin answered.

“Yeah. I heard it from Eunho, though. He was very particular about asking.”

“If it’s Chaewon’s training, I can handle it. Why did he ask you?”

Su-ha asked, genuinely puzzled. Se-jin frowned slightly as she replied.

“I’m the trainer. Who else would he ask?”

“No, I mean, Chaewon’s training is something I-”

“Aren’t you training too?”

At Se-jin’s question, Su-ha fell silent for a moment. Strictly speaking, what Su-ha had agreed to oversee was Chaewon’s combat training. But physical conditioning was obviously necessary to support that, so he’d naturally assumed he’d handle that as well.

That meant he’d have less time to train himself, but the surprising thing was that Su-ha hadn’t even considered that until now.

As he quietly listened to their exchange, Chaewon suddenly stepped in.

“Then I’ll take my fitness training from Trainer Jin Se-jin!”

At Chaewon’s response, Se-jin’s face lit up, and she raised one hand toward him, palm out, clearly asking for a high five.

Caught off guard, Chaewon hesitated for a split second, then quickly raised his hand and lightly tapped her palm.

Naturally, Su-ha looked twice as bewildered at the sight. It was already startling that Chaewon had openly said he’d train with Se-jin, but seeing him high-five someone he’d just met was strangely irritating.

Se-jin was known for her friendly personality and ease with people, but Su-ha hadn’t expected Chaewon, who’d been clinging to his side in fear just moments ago, to fall right into her rhythm.

Su-ha quickly turned to Chaewon and said,

“There’s no need to do that. I can manage my training on my own.”

“No, it’s fine. You already don’t have much personal time because of me… I’ll learn from the trainer here.”

“Just call me Se-jin. Or Se-jin-noona, if you want?”

Su-ha was already at a loss, and Se-jin only piled on with more jokes, completely unaware of his inner turmoil. And Chaewon, just as oblivious, asked her with sparkling eyes,

“You know how old I am?”

“I don’t, but don’t I look like your noona at a glance?”

Faced with Se-jin’s open, unguarded friendliness, Chaewon instantly slipped back into service-mode, smiling brightly as he answered.

“No way. You look at least five years younger than me.”

“Wow, Chaewon, you really know how to handle people.”

Se-jin laughed, patting Chaewon’s shoulder lightly. It was a warm, easygoing atmosphere.

Except for Su-ha, standing there with his expression completely stiffened.

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