Chapter 68: When Care Starts to Hurt

“I’m… fine.”

“Fine?”

“There’s no particular reason it has to be hidden. I don’t really understand it myself, but if being honest about my past helps… then I’m okay with it.”

“Chaewon. This isn’t something you should take so lightly.”

Su-ha spoke urgently, clearly flustered by Chaewon’s answer.

“This won’t just end with an announcement about your situation. People will use it to arbitrarily judge your life, speculate about it, and evaluate you.”

Just being an S-class telekinetic Esper was more than enough for Chaewon to become excessive fodder for public talk. Add to that the unusual side effects he suffered from, and all kinds of guesses and judgments would surely run rampant.

And if his past were to be revealed on top of that? Su-ha couldn’t even begin to imagine the weight of the words Chaewon would have to endure.

Thinking about that obvious future made Su-ha’s chest feel even tighter. Just as he was about to say more to Chaewon, Chaewon spoke first.

“But… it’s something I can’t avoid anyway, right?”

Not only Su-ha, but even Ye-seon fell silent. Chaewon’s expression was calm, just as it always was.

“Even when I was just a civilian… I saw plenty of stories about other Espers on the news. My past might stand out a bit more because it’s unusual, but it’s not like I’m the only one who’s been treated unfairly.”

“Th-that’s…”

“Other people have all gone through it too. So I’m okay.”

People who hadn’t seen Chaewon up close underestimated him just by looking at his outward appearance, which hardly seemed strong enough to belong to an Esper at all.

They pitied Su-ha for having ‘fallen’ into being paired with someone like Lee Chaewon overnight after aiming for Min I-hyeon, and even Su-ha himself had once lamented his situation as Chaewon’s guide.

There were surely those who resented the organization for giving Chaewon special treatment over what looked like nothing more than flashy power, power he couldn’t even properly use because of its side effects.

But here and now, Su-ha and Ye-seon keenly realized just how narrow-minded those gazes, and their own past thoughts, had been.

Seeing the atmosphere between Su-ha and Ye-seon grow visibly heavy despite not intending it, Chaewon spoke with a slightly awkward expression.

“Both of you… you must not have trusted me very much.”

“N-no, that’s not-!”

“I’m joking.”

After saying that, Chaewon flushed slightly and smiled shyly. It was the first time he’d shown such an easy, unguarded attitude instead of his usual quiet, careful responses, as though he were a sinner.

It felt unfamiliar yet pleasant, surprising yet welcome. In the end, Su-ha couldn’t bring himself to argue any further against Chaewon’s insistence that he was fine.

It was one week before Esper Lee Chaewon would officially make his name known to the world.

****

“Su-ha.”

“Yes?”

“Is there something you want to say to me?”

After training ended, Su-ha once again naturally came with Chaewon to his quarters for guiding.

Honestly, just thinking about lying on the bed and holding Chaewon again made Su-ha’s vision go dark. They’d already had plenty of physical contact during combat training, but guiding while quietly holding him was a completely different sensation from touching while exercising.

During training, he hadn’t had the luxury to think about anything else—it was an important task that could genuinely help Chaewon if he ever found himself in danger. But now things were different. And it was obvious that Chaewon had noticed Su-ha’s hesitation.

“What…?”

Su-ha decided to pretend he didn’t know. His own thoughts weren’t even sorted out yet, there was no way he had anything he could say to Chaewon.

He obviously couldn’t say something like, “Every time I guide you lately, I’m overwhelmed by personal desire I’ve never felt before.” For now, Su-ha just wanted to muddle through this situation somehow.

“Lately, it feels like you’re a bit… uncomfortable around me.”

“…”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, Chaewon, absolutely not.”

But seeing Chaewon cautiously doubt his own actions without having any idea of Su-ha’s circumstances was something Su-ha couldn’t just ignore. His voice rose higher than usual as he denied it.

“Then why…?”

Chaewon, who seemed to have worries of his own, didn’t let it go easily and asked again.

From Chaewon’s perspective, it was only natural. His gradually growing closeness and comfort with Su-ha meant a great deal to him. Su-ha, who always put in the greatest effort for his sake, was also the first person Chaewon wanted acknowledgment from.

It wasn’t that he wanted to replace I-hyeon’s position. All Chaewon wanted was to grow into an Esper who suited Su-ha, who could be of help while they were together, and even after parting ways someday, to remain on good terms with him.

Up until now, he’d thought things were going fairly well. But over the past few days, every time they guided together, Chaewon had sensed something off, Su-ha seemed oddly uncomfortable around him.

An Esper, though not to the same degree as a guide, couldn’t help but be keenly aware of their paired guide’s condition. And Chaewon had always been particularly sensitive to others’ emotions, especially negative ones. It was clear that something was bothering Su-ha.

Su-ha nearly let out a deep sigh without thinking, but barely managed to hold it back. Chaewon was already wondering if he’d done something wrong, Su-ha didn’t want to deepen that suspicion by sighing in front of him.

This was entirely Su-ha’s own problem. Chaewon had done nothing wrong at all.

“Chaewon…”

Su-ha softly called his name. Chaewon was so tense that he couldn’t even bring himself to answer. This couldn’t continue. Su-ha slowly stepped closer and gently took Chaewon’s hand.

He wanted to make it clear that it wasn’t because he disliked Chaewon or found him uncomfortable. He needed Chaewon to understand that he wasn’t troubled by having to guide him despite not wanting to touch him.

If this went on, Chaewon’s thoughts would inevitably drift in that direction, all because the first step had been wrong.

“There’s nothing you did wrong. If anything… you’ve been incredibly kind to someone as rude as me.”

Along with his gentle voice, Su-ha’s energy flowed through the hand he was holding. His intent to reassure Chaewon was unmistakably conveyed through that warmth.

The anxiety that had been slowly growing inside Chaewon finally stilled and settled. Drawing courage from the warmth Su-ha gave him, Chaewon relaxed.

“Lately, I haven’t been myself because…”

“…”

“That’s…”

But Su-ha couldn’t bring himself to say any more. Some words, once spoken aloud, had the power to change the world beyond repair. Su-ha was afraid that uttering words he wasn’t even sure of himself would make everything irreversible.

If it were undeniable love, perhaps there would be no reason to hesitate. If this feeling he had for Chaewon truly was love, then the path forward would be very clear.

All Su-ha would have to do was give everything he had to win Chaewon’s heart. Being bound together as a pair would surely work in his favor.

What Su-ha was really afraid of was the possibility that it wasn’t love.

That it was only because this was his first pair. Because it was the first time he’d devoted his heart so deeply to a single person. That he might be mistaking the intimacy that came from being a pair for love. That uncertainty made him hesitate to say or do anything.

After suppressing those countless uncertain feelings, Su-ha finally managed to speak.

“I think I’ve just… had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Ah…”

“With the press conference coming up… and this being my first time going through something like this as someone’s pair…”

“I see…”

Perhaps Su-ha’s explanation didn’t sound too suspicious, because Chaewon nodded with a slightly brighter expression and continued.

“I’m really fine… but thank you for worrying about me, Su-ha.”

“…It’s nothing. It’s only natural.”

“I’m still clumsy in a lot of ways, but… I’ll do my best. The press conference, the training, all of it.”

“You’re already doing well. More than enough.”

Those words, you’re doing well, meant so much to him that Chaewon’s face lit up with a radiant smile the moment he heard them.

And once again, Su-ha felt his heart tighten painfully. It wasn’t excitement or fluttering so much as something closer to pain.

He wondered if it was really right to feel this way toward a colleague, even one he cared about. And yet, he also thought that if this were love, it shouldn’t feel this anxious, this unsettled, this painful.

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