Chapter 117: Give Me Time

At that moment, Su-ha’s fingertips, tracing along Chaewon’s eyes and cheeks, finally brushed the edge of his lips.

Even in the whirlwind of this sudden, bewildering turn of events, faced with the lovable man who insisted he could never hate him, Su-ha could no longer hold back.

“Alright. Then even if I act selfishly like this right now… and keep doing so from now on… don’t hate me.”

The last words were barely louder than a breath, but Chaewon heard every syllable clearly. Su-ha’s face had drawn so close it seemed to block out the entire night sky.

Their breaths mingled at the tips of their noses. The arm around Chaewon’s waist tightened, and with unmistakable intent—so clear even Chaewon couldn’t miss it, Su-ha slowly tilted his head.

It was an unhurried, gentle movement. If he wanted, Chaewon could easily push Su-ha’s shoulder away or turn his head and refuse him.

Strangely, he didn’t want to.

Su-ha’s confession was still overwhelming. Chaewon still hadn’t formed a single proper answer. And yet, he didn’t want to push this moment away. As Su-ha’s breath drew closer, his heart pounded wildly, and an expectation he couldn’t understand or justify began to bloom.

Before he could even sort out his own feelings, hot lips covered his breath.

“Hnng…”

Chaewon held his breath and clutched Su-ha’s shoulders with both hands as if clinging to him. It wasn’t their first kiss, and yet it felt unfamiliar, like the first time, an odd sensation sparking along the thin membranes where they met.

As if asking permission, Su-ha’s tongue traced gently over Chaewon’s lips. The guiding that had soothed him moments ago ceased the instant their lips touched. Su-ha made it clear: this was not for guiding.

Last time, Chaewon had convinced himself it was some sort of training for smoother guiding. Otherwise, why would Su-ha kiss him? But now, facing this moment, he wondered if that had never been true.

Then Su-ha lightly bit his lower lip.

It didn’t hurt, but it was nothing like the soft lick from before. The sharp contrast sent a shiver down his spine. In that very instant, Chaewon’s lips parted just slightly.

He could claim it was reflex, surprise at the sudden bite. But even to himself, he couldn’t say for certain that was all it was.

Had he wanted Su-ha to slip deeper? To invade him breathlessly like before, to lick along every hidden surface inside his mouth?

Heat flooded his head. His body felt suspended, mind reeling. He wasn’t being guided, yet he felt far more intoxicated than during guiding.

Su-ha didn’t miss the tiny opening. He pushed his tongue in at once.

Though it was something he had done before, tonight it felt new. Perhaps because he had finally confessed honestly, everything felt unfamiliar, raw.

Why wasn’t Chaewon pushing him away? Their hearts hadn’t fully aligned yet, so why was he accepting even this deep kiss?

Was it guilt? An inability to refuse? Fear of hurting Su-ha?

Worry tangled through his mind, but alongside it rose a fragile hope: maybe Chaewon’s heart wasn’t entirely empty of him after all.

When Su-ha tangled his tongue with Chaewon’s small, soft one, rubbing insistently, Chaewon let out a muffled sound and seemed to melt. But Su-ha didn’t go easy on him. He pushed deeper, exploring every tender surface.

Still, it wasn’t enough.

The more their breaths mixed, the worse the thirst grew. Even if he licked and bit and swallowed him whole from head to toe, it wouldn’t be enough.

He had approached swearing he would never force him, but facing this fierce desire flooding his body, he found himself wondering whether he truly could have stopped if Chaewon had refused.

“Hngh… w-wait… ah-”

Su-ha finally pulled away only when Chaewon instinctively turned his head, gasping for air.

He had known he shouldn’t overwhelm him, but the moment those soft lips met his, all reason had evaporated.

“Are you alright, Chaewon?”

Su-ha’s fingers gently wiped the saliva from Chaewon’s swollen lips. Warm breath spilled between them, brushing against his fingertips. Ignoring the way his body flared again, he stroked Chaewon’s flushed eyes tenderly.

“I’m sorry. I acted on my own.”

It was entirely his fault. Chaewon hadn’t even returned his feelings yet, and he’d gone in for a kiss.

Even if he claimed he would have stopped if Chaewon had said no, he couldn’t honestly deny that somewhere inside, he had counted on Chaewon’s soft-heartedness, his difficulty refusing.

But Chaewon shook his head, still panting.

“You didn’t force me… so it’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

“…”

“I… didn’t dislike it.”

His voice was unexpectedly steady.

He hadn’t disliked the kiss. Part of him had even wanted it. He didn’t yet know what feeling that desire came from, but he was certain this wasn’t something Su-ha needed to apologize for.

Silence fell again.

Too many emotions surged between them, swelling like a tide until it felt like a storm swallowing them whole.

“I…”

After a long moment, it was Chaewon who stepped back from Su-ha’s arms and spoke first. Su-ha listened intently, hands opening and closing at his sides.

“Please give me some time.”

“Ah…”

“Just… a little time to think.”

Accepting Su-ha’s confession here and now, to avoid hurting him, to avoid being hated, would have been easy. Compared to everything Chaewon had endured just to survive, accepting Jin Su-ha’s love was nothing. It required no special resolve.

“Would that be alright…?”

But instead of doubting Su-ha’s heart or pushing him away by insisting he wasn’t worthy, instead of gratefully accepting something he believed too much for him…

Chaewon asked for time.

He wanted to take Su-ha’s feelings seriously. He wanted to truly examine his own.

For Chaewon, it was the hardest choice.

And Su-ha, who understood better than anyone what it meant for Chaewon to ask for time, felt his chest tighten with emotion. Watching Chaewon step, little by little, beyond the narrow world he had lived in, he found himself falling for him all over again.

“Of course. I can wait as long as it takes.”

He smiled, his face filled with love, hoping to melt Chaewon’s lingering anxiety.

“I won’t step back on my own. Ever.”

“…”

“So don’t be afraid. Think about it slowly. And when you’ve decided, tell me.”

For so long, Chaewon’s heart had drifted alone in uncertainty. Now, through this confession, it felt firmly tied to Su-ha’s world.

That alone was strangely reassuring. To have someone say they would never leave him, to feel that warmth, that steadiness.

Even without knowing where these feelings would lead, Chaewon eventually smiled.

****

“No… that’s not right…”

In a dark room lit only by a single stand lamp, Chaewon sat curled on his bed, clutching his phone tightly before letting out a sigh and shoving it beneath his blanket.

After parting with Su-ha and returning to his quarters, he couldn’t easily settle his turbulent thoughts. He had never faced a problem like this before; he had no idea how to respond.

‘Why did he say he liked me? That can’t be true. Something like that can’t possibly happen.’

‘Could it be some undiscovered side effect of guiding?’

‘Or… maybe he just feels sorry for me. Maybe because I’m pitiful. Su-ha is kind, perhaps he mistook sympathy and compassion for something else while guiding me.’

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