Chapter 41: Something Like a Date (But Not Quite)

“Do you still want to become Min I-hyeon’s guide?”

For a moment, Su-ha felt as if even the air around him had frozen. Ye-seon’s question was, in other words, asking whether, if given the chance even now, he would want to break his pairing with Lee Chaewon in order to become Min I-hyeon’s guide.

Jin Su-ha wanted to be Min I-hyeon’s guide. That was an undeniable truth. His entire life as a guide had been spent running toward that single goal: standing beside Min I-hyeon.

But now, a different premise had been added to what had once been so simple. For Su-ha, becoming I-hyeon’s guide now inherently meant severing his pairing with Chaewon.

Su-ha stared quietly at Ye-seon, who was calmly waiting for his answer, and finally spoke.

“…Yes. Of course I do.”

His feelings toward Chaewon had certainly changed. He no longer resented becoming Chaewon’s guide, nor did he blame or begrudge him for it. But did that mean he wanted to give up the one and only goal he had pursued all this time?

Refusing to think any further, Su-ha avoided Ye-seon’s gaze even after answering. It was an obvious answer. He was simply stating the only dream he had ever had in life, so why did it make his chest feel so heavy and uncomfortable? Su-ha deliberately tried not to dwell on it.

“All right. You can go.”

After staring at Su-ha for a long moment with an unreadable expression, Ye-seon smiled lightly, as if he already knew everything he was thinking. Pretending not to notice that knowing smile, Su-ha quickly turned and left his office.

“Do you still want to become Min I-hyeon’s guide?”

As he walked down the quiet hallway, Ye-seon’s question echoed again and again in his head. Or rather, it was his own question, borrowing his voice.

‘Do I still want to be Min I-hyeon’s guide? If I were offered the position right now, would I really cut ties with Chaewon without a moment’s hesitation and turn back toward the place I’ve always wanted? Do I truly want that?’

Faced with the repeated questions, Su-ha stopped thinking. They were meaningless. His goal had never wavered once from the day he first set it, and it never would.

It was just that, for now, he was Chaewon’s guide. He was paired with him. And he simply wanted to fulfill his duties sincerely.

That was all.

****

“…”

Chaewon stood in front of the mirror for a long time, staring at his reflection. Seeing himself in casual clothes felt strangely unfamiliar.

After entering the Center, he had rarely worn his own clothes. Most days he was in patient garments, training uniforms, or the tracksuits provided for the dorms.

He had honestly hoped that awakening as an esper might have made his body grow at least a little, but putting on his old clothes, he realized nothing had changed at all. It was disappointing. Even if not muscles, couldn’t his build have improved just a bit?

He had been eating better and sleeping better than before since coming to the Center, yet he still couldn’t gain weight. The relentless training, the blood, the times he had collapsed unconscious, all of that barely registered in Chaewon’s mind now.

He brushed his palm lightly over the worn, frayed fabric of his clothes. He had never been ashamed of his appearance before, but standing in this place where everything looked new, he suddenly felt like the only old painting left behind.

He felt like he didn’t belong here. That realization made his chest tighten, and without thinking, Chaewon slowly drew up his power.

A familiar blue glow rose from his body. Like smoke, the shimmering blue energy spread from his hands and wrapped around him, obscuring his old clothes. Chaewon looked at his reflection again.

Did he look like he belonged now?

Like someone who could exist here without standing out?

Slowly, Chaewon shook his head. That couldn’t be true. No matter how much he had improved, he was still an incompetent esper who couldn’t properly use his abilities. He might deceive people’s eyes with dazzling light, but he knew he still had a long way to go.

“Chaewon?!”

A frantic voice sounded behind him. Startled, Chaewon hurriedly withdrew his power and turned around. Su-ha, pale-faced, rushed over and grabbed his wrist.

“What’s going on? Why did you suddenly use your power-!”

Su-ha didn’t even finish his sentence before checking Chaewon’s condition. As he raised his own energy, Chaewon’s wavelength came through clearly. Nothing seemed obviously wrong, but if nothing had happened, Chaewon wouldn’t have used his power in the middle of the living room.

“Su-ha-!”

Chaewon’s panicked voice escaped as Su-ha lifted his other hand and cupped Chaewon’s cheek. Eyes closed, Su-ha focused, probing deeper into Chaewon’s energy to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

“There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong…”

“I-I’m fine, Su-ha. Really, I’m okay.”

As Su-ha’s energy swept through him, Chaewon felt a chill run down his spine. Frozen for a moment, he snapped back at Su-ha’s voice and hurried to speak. Only then did Su-ha open his eyes and look at him.

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes. I’m fine. I was just… just practicing a little.”

“Ah…”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drawn out my power like that on my own… If I made a mistake in the dorms, it could’ve been dangerous.”

Only then did Chaewon remember how worried Su-ha had been about even letting him go outside alone because of his unstable condition. With so many awakened people living here, it was obvious he shouldn’t use his power carelessly.

A sudden wave of fear hit him, and just as Chaewon was about to apologize again, Su-ha gently pushed his energy forward, beginning guidance and cutting off his words.

“It’s all right. I wasn’t asking to scold you.”

Through the hand holding his wrist, Su-ha felt Chaewon trembling. He realized that this anxiety stemmed from himself, he had frightened Chaewon before, warning him what could happen if he overexerted himself, right after Chaewon had collapsed during training.

“Calm down, Chaewon.”

Lowering his voice as if soothing him, Su-ha brushed Chaewon’s cheek lightly with his thumb. Chaewon’s eyes, darkened and deep, looked up at him. Hoping his own expression didn’t seem too stern or frightening, Su-ha continued.

“I wasn’t blaming you. I was worried, wondering if maybe something was wrong, or if something had happened.”

At that moment, Chaewon’s legs gave out. The tension drained from his body under Su-ha’s guidance and gentle voice. Reflexively, Chaewon tried to grab onto Su-ha to keep from falling, but faster still, Su-ha’s arm wrapped around his waist.

Their bodies came close, nearly overlapping. Facing Chaewon’s eyes at such close distance, Su-ha felt a fleeting urge to pretend nothing was wrong and draw even closer.

Regaining strength in his legs, Chaewon spoke.

“I’m okay now. I’m sorry.”

That habitual apology stung. What was there to apologize for, an esper leaning on his guide for a moment? Without letting go, Su-ha murmured,

“You don’t need to apologize for something like this.”

“But-”

“If I relied on you for the same reason, would you expect me to apologize?”

Chaewon looked at Su-ha as if to say that was ridiculous.

Only then did Su-ha feel that he was beginning to truly understand the man before him. He had met countless people who were strict with others but endlessly lenient with themselves, but someone who placed himself this low, always, was rare.

Especially at the Center. Awakened individuals usually believed themselves chosen, and most held strong pride in their abilities.

Some fell into inferiority when faced with someone more powerful, but people like Chaewon, who diminished themselves to this extent, were almost unheard of.