Chapter 112: Think About Your Own Heart

If it hadn’t been Su-ha. If Su-ha hadn’t wanted for all those long years to become I-hyeon’s Guide, Chaewon would never have asked him such a question in this moment.

So instead of arguing or making excuses, Chaewon carefully nodded. I-hyeon looked momentarily distant before speaking.

“Well, I could go into a long explanation… but simply put, it’s because I’m a coward.”

A coward.

At the unfamiliar word coming from I-hyeon’s mouth, Chaewon froze for a second. Coward was the last word in the world that suited him. Wasn’t he the man who had thrown himself forward in countless life-or-death moments?

But as if he knew exactly what Chaewon was thinking, I-hyeon shook his head.

“I don’t have the confidence to endure it again. Losing the most precious person in the world, once is enough.”

Chaewon recalled that I-hyeon’s former paired Guide had died in battle beside him years ago. It had been an incident that shook the entire country. He had vaguely assumed it was related, but hearing it directly carried a far heavier weight than he had imagined.

It was a pain Chaewon couldn’t even begin to comprehend. If Su-ha were gravely injured or killed before his eyes, just imagining it made his heart feel as if it were being torn apart.

Watching Chaewon’s slowly blinking eyes, I-hyeon continued.

“A Guide who works with me is inevitably at the most dangerous places. No matter how hard I try, I can’t completely exclude a Guide from long-term missions.”

“…”

“And Guide Jin Su-ha…”

At the sound of Su-ha’s name, Chaewon clasped his hands tightly under the table. Just hearing I-hyeon say that name vividly painted the image of Su-ha running through dungeons beside him.

“Guide Jin Su-ha is capable, brave, and he respects me. He’s not someone who would step back just because it’s dangerous.”

Only after hearing that did Chaewon fully understand. As I-hyeon said, Su-ha would never give up on standing beside him, even if it meant risking his life.

Just like I-hyeon’s former Guide had once thrown himself into danger for him.

Which meant that all the effort Su-ha had poured into becoming I-hyeon’s Guide had, in the end, become the very reason I-hyeon could not accept him as his pair.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Just good men, too good, missing each other.

When that thought reached him, Chaewon found himself asking,

“Won’t you… regret it someday?”

By any measure, Su-ha was an excellent Guide. And if Min I-hyeon and Jin Su-ha worked together, it was obvious they would push each other to even greater heights.

Unless I-hyeon had rejected him because he truly found him lacking, which clearly wasn’t the case, Chaewon thought he might someday regret this choice.

At that, I-hyeon slightly curved his lips and asked,

“…Regret losing Guide Jin Su-ha to you, Chaewon?”

It was playful in tone, but the question had weight. He had spoken aloud what Chaewon left unsaid.

“Yes.”

Chaewon did not retract his words or apologize. If Su-ha still had a chance, he had the right to know.

I-hyeon shifted the question.

“Do you think I’ll come to want Guide Jin Su-ha someday?”

“…”

“Let me ask it another way. If I requested him as my pair right now… do you think he would gladly choose to be my Guide?”

For a moment, Chaewon’s breath caught. Before he could even think clearly, something inside him seemed to collapse.

Su-ha’s voice, whispering that he no longer wished to become I-hyeon’s Guide, echoed in his ears. The gentle face that had said he wanted to become a good Guide for Chaewon, that he would try, words that had never sounded insincere, rose vividly in his mind.

He didn’t doubt Su-ha’s sincerity. But all of Su-ha’s resolve had been built on the premise that I-hyeon did not want a paired Guide.

If I-hyeon were to request him now? If Su-ha were told he could finally achieve the dream he had chased for years?

Chaewon could not be certain Su-ha’s heart would remain unchanged.

His thoughts tangled with emotions he couldn’t name. But I-hyeon didn’t wait for an answer.

“No, before that, there’s a more important question. Then would you… willingly give up your Guide to me?”

Heat surged strangely through Chaewon’s body. He could clearly picture Su-ha guiding I-hyeon, holding his hand, touching him, embracing him, their lips meeting.

His fists tightened unconsciously, so hard his nails bit into his palms.

He hated it. There was no need to think further. It was undeniably something he hated. A nauseating discomfort welled up from inside him.

As he stood there unable to answer, biting his lip, I-hyeon spoke gently.

“To be honest, I like you, Chaewon. I want to be good friends with you. I want to grow closer. So I won’t suddenly covet Guide Jin Su-ha now…”

His words rang faintly in Chaewon’s ears. It had been so long since he had felt something so strongly, something he outright disliked.

For Chaewon, hating someone or something had always been exhausting. Not because he felt guilty for such emotions, but because he had never had the power to change anything.

If he met a terrible man at work, he could simply walk away and forget. But if he allowed hatred to take root, it would linger in every corner of his life and slowly consume him.

He could not demand apologies boldly. He had neither the power nor the courage to punish anyone. So he had learned to let emotions pass before they coiled around his soul.

Feeling something this fierce was unfamiliar.

As he grappled with himself, I-hyeon’s voice remained soft.

“Separately from that, I hope you think about something. Not about me or Guide Jin Su-ha. Not about what we want or choose.”

“…”

“Think about your own heart. About what you want.”

Chaewon clenched and unclenched his fists, carefully storing those words inside himself. It would not be an easy day.

****

“You’re sure I don’t need to walk you all the way to the dorm?”

At the entrance to the park in front of the residence, I-hyeon stopped the car and looked at him with concern. It was already late.

It was within the Center, so there was little danger. And even outside, how many things could truly threaten an S-rank Esper? Still, perhaps because of Chaewon’s appearance, his side effects, or simply his own fondness, I-hyeon hesitated to leave.

Chaewon, whose worries were entirely different, answered in a slightly heavy voice.

“Yes, I’m fine. I wanted to walk a bit. Thank you for the ride. And for dinner.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I asked you out, I should pay.”

“But I keep receiving help… I should have treated you tonight…”

He had tried to pay, but I-hyeon had moved too smoothly to stop him. Having received advice and a meal, Chaewon felt burdened all the way back.

As if to ease him, I-hyeon smiled lightly.

“If it really bothers you, ask me out first next time. Then you can pay.”

“Ah…”

Chaewon hesitated again out of habit. Though both Su-ha and I-hyeon had given him similar advice, he still couldn’t completely separate his thoughts of Su-ha when facing I-hyeon. Perhaps this, too, required practice.

Taking a small breath, he finally opened his mouth.

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