Chapter 110: The First Time Is the Hardest

The end of Su-ha’s voice trembled slightly despite himself.

Even as he forced the words out with resolve, he couldn’t help disliking the choice he was making.

Chaewon looked just as flustered, clearly confused by what Su-ha had said.

It was only natural, after going on and on about how he hated the idea of Chaewon meeting someone else and how much it bothered him, he had suddenly changed his stance.

Su-ha tightened his grip on the back of Chaewon’s hand and continued.

“It would definitely be a good opportunity for you. You could ask Team Leader Min the things you’ve been curious about as an Esper, get advice… Not just as an Esper, but when it comes to dealing with the press, there aren’t many people as skilled as he is.”

“But…”

“If you truly don’t want to meet him, I won’t force you. But if the only reason is me… then I hope you’ll meet him and talk about what you want.”

“…”

“And… I want you to realize that I don’t have any other feelings left for Team Leader Min.”

Only then did Chaewon let out a small, understanding “Ah…”

If he were being completely honest, Su-ha wanted nothing more than for the two men to remain distant.

For whatever reason, he would have preferred that Chaewon keep his distance from I-hyeon.

Su-ha knew better than anyone how charming I-hyeon was, how easily he won people over.

And I-hyeon was undeniably interested in Chaewon.

If they spent time alone together, how considerate and warm would he be?

Su-ha truly didn’t want Chaewon sharing that kind of time somewhere he couldn’t see.

Even so, he was encouraging it because he hoped that this one experience would free Chaewon from the invisible restraint still binding him.

The fact that Su-ha had once wanted to become I-hyeon’s pair guide, he didn’t want that to continue casting a shadow over Chaewon’s future.

To break free from that, Chaewon needed to overcome it at least once.

“I…”

Chaewon hesitated.

He understood Su-ha’s intention logically, but he wasn’t sure if he was truly allowed to accept it.

Was it really okay?

Did Su-ha truly have no lingering attachment to I-hyeon?

No matter how he thought about it, it seemed impossible.

How could someone give up a lifelong dream so easily?

But then Chaewon looked into Su-ha’s eyes.

They were warm, filled with unmistakable affection directed only at him.

If Su-ha still had regrets, if he still resented him even a little, he wouldn’t be able to look at him like that.

The unease in Cha-won’s chest slowly settled.

He suppressed the habitual instinct to retreat.

If he truly wanted to stay with Su-ha for a long time, he might need to change.

Living in guilt, constantly watching Su-ha’s mood and backing away in fear, wasn’t healthy.

He had always known that, but until now, he hadn’t found the courage.

He hadn’t wanted to risk going against Su-ha’s feelings.

They had only just begun to build something good.

He didn’t want to make a wrong move and widen the distance again.

“…Alright. Then I’ll contact Team Leader Min again.”

After agonizing over it several times in his head, Chaewon finally answered.

Part of him still didn’t want to cause Su-ha discomfort, but more than that, he wanted to move forward as well.

It was still difficult to accept that Su-ha felt uncomfortable at the thought of him spending time with someone else.

But more important was erasing the lingering shadow of the past inside his own heart.

When he thought about I-hyeon.

When he thought about I-hyeon and Jin Su-ha.

When he imagined himself standing beside Su-ha.

He needed to stop casting Su-ha as the innocent victim and himself as the obstacle between two men.

“I’ll ask what I want to ask, get good advice… and come back.”

“…Good. That’s a wise decision.”

“Are you… really okay with it?”

Chaewon still looked uneasy as he asked.

From that single line, Su-ha could read everything Chaewon couldn’t bring himself to say.

Is it really okay if I spend time with him?

You won’t resent me?

This won’t hurt what we have?

That was exactly why Su-ha had insisted.

The first time was always the hardest.

If Chaewon overcame it once, next time he might at least have the courage to discuss his choice instead of retreating alone.

For some reason, Su-ha found himself relieved that I-hyeon was an Esper, not a guide.

“As long as you don’t fall for Team Leader Min and start ignoring me, I’ll be fine.”

“What are you saying?! That would never happen!”

It had been half a joke, but Chaewon’s immediate, serious denial oddly soothed him.

How had things come to this?

Su-ha looked at the man in front of him, the one who had reduced him to this, and let out a deep sigh.

He felt Chaewon tense under his touch.

Since things had already gone this far, he might as well embarrass himself a little more.

“I should’ve done better from the start.”

“What?”

“When we first met… If I hadn’t acted like such an idiot back then, I could confidently say now that I hate you meeting other men and even interfere. I regret it.”

He almost laughed at himself.

He had once despised the kind of awakened men who used pair bonds to restrain someone.

He had sworn he’d never become that childish or weak.

“Don’t get too close to Team Leader Min.”

And yet here he was, saying something even more ridiculous, lowering his brows slightly.

For the first time, Chaewon found Su-ha… cute.

He almost reached out to ruffle his hair but clenched his fist instead.

Everything felt surreal.

But he didn’t dislike it.

“…The person I want to get closest to is you, Su-ha.”

He whispered it with a sliver of courage.

****

“Gong Tae-jun…”

Ye-seon repeated the name with a serious expression as he reviewed the guide profile he had received from the Guide Management Team.

Gong Tae-jun was the guide who had brought Chaewon in when he suddenly collapsed not long ago.

His reaction back then hadn’t been ordinary, but Ye-seon hadn’t expected him to act this quickly.

The one who had brought Tae-jun’s file was the head of the Guide Management Team.

In short, he had suggested that since Esper Lee Chaewon would eventually need a backup guide, perhaps they should test Gong Tae-jun for the position, as he had expressed interest.

Normally, it was rare for an Esper with a designated pair guide to receive guidance from someone else.

But circumstances could shift unpredictably, and the Center had to prepare for every possibility.

Especially when it came to guiding issues, those could lead to an Esper’s rampage, a serious disaster.

That was why every Esper, in addition to a pair or main temporary guide, had at least one backup guide for emergencies.

Backup guides were often unattached or had exceptionally broad spectrums.

Su-ha himself had served as backup several times when he was a temporary guide.

So the team leader’s suggestion wasn’t unreasonable.

Given Chaewon’s severe side effects, selecting a backup would require careful testing.

Ye-seon and Eunho had already been considering candidates.

And yet…

“This feels… complicated.”

Ye-seon’s expression as he studied Gong Tae-jun’s file was anything but light.

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