Chapter 63: When Jealousy Learns Its Name

At that moment, Chaewon felt a vivid, powerful image being projected before his eyes.

In a hair-trigger situation where preparations for execution had already been completed, he could almost see Su-ha desperately clinging to Se-jin, doing everything he could to save him. The desperation felt so real it was as if he could reach out and touch it.

“Well, given how things were, I naturally became a devoted follower of Jin Su-ha. And as you can see, I’ve got a great personality, right? So even that boring guy ended up falling for me pretty quickly.”

“I see…”

“Thanks to Su-ha’s guiding, I barely avoided both a rampage and being put down, but my body was completely wrecked. After treatment, I had to focus solely on rehabilitation for an entire year. So, Chaewon-ssi, just trust me. I managed to fix up a body that was practically on its deathbed, training an S-class esper like you is nothing. Easy as pie, right?”

Se-jin’s voice quickly brightened again as she laughed and lightly patted Chaewon’s back a few times, careful not to hurt him. Chaewon, who had been wearing a somber expression, followed her lead and smiled as well.

This was something she had already overcome long ago; it wasn’t something a clueless third party should be mourning now.

Though Se-jin didn’t go into detail, Chaewon felt like he could guess how she had ended up working as an esper trainer.

To restore a body that had been so brutally damaged, she must have gone through truly grueling training, and through that process, her understanding of an esper’s body and muscles must have deepened.

Chaewon felt his resolve rise up once more inside him.

His condition was far from ordinary. His situation before awakening, the excessive side effects he’d suffered afterward, and his frail body that couldn’t even be compared to other espers, someone might say that everything Chaewon had been given were the worst possible conditions.

But as Se-jin showed, hardship wasn’t Chaewon’s alone. She too had endured harsh trials, and was there anyone here who hadn’t? No one stood here without first stepping over their own pain.

“Yes. I think I can do well.”

Chaewon answered with a smile still lingering on his face as he looked at Se-jin. An esper’s life would surely never be smooth sailing, but that was okay. He would do his best, and he had so many good people around him to help him. Truly, Chaewon felt like he could manage.

****

“…”

Pretending to catch his breath, Su-ha took a drink of water and glanced through the glass wall at Chaewon training with Se-jin. More precisely, his eyes were fixed on Se-jin’s hands touching Chaewon’s body as she corrected his posture.

He knew it was a crazy thought. This was training, nothing else, and there was no private emotion involved, Su-ha understood that better than anyone.

And yet. Still.

“Am I seriously losing it…?”

Muttering reproachfully to himself, Su-ha forced himself to turn away. A part of him wanted to march right over to Chaewon and insist on training him personally.

This definitely wasn’t a normal feeling. He shouldn’t be feeling this way. It was rude to Se-jin, and just as disrespectful to anyone helping others train. Su-ha knew that perfectly well.

But no matter how hard he tried not to think about it, seeing someone else’s hands on Chaewon made him feel unsettled and irritated. It was a feeling that arose regardless of his will, something he couldn’t simply make disappear.

It was almost like… jealousy.

He’d heard that paired awakened individuals often became overly possessive of their partners, getting jealous over the smallest things. In fact, such emotions frequently caused problems at the center. But Su-ha had never been the one feeling that way.

Even when I-hyeon was temporarily paired with another guide, Su-ha had only worked harder to bring the day he became I-hyeon’s guide closer, he’d never harbored petty feelings toward anyone else.

If he hadn’t felt that way even about I-hyeon, it went without saying for the other espers he’d guided temporarily.

And yet, only Lee Chaewon. Only that esper he’d ended up with by chance kept stirring his emotions like this. Su-ha suddenly remembered how shaken he’d been when Chaewon answered I-hyeon’s phone call before.

Su-ha’s expression darkened as he stood still, water bottle in hand.

He couldn’t look away anymore. This was unmistakably jealousy. Even knowing with absolute certainty that there was nothing improper, despite the fact that the person touching Chaewon was someone he cared for, he still found it unbearable. Su-ha was jealous.

It was so absurd he almost laughed. He’d realized long ago that his feelings toward Chaewon had grown far more intense than at the beginning, but this went even far beyond that.

When had it started? And why?

Su-ha’s eyes sank into deep thought as layered memories unfolded and folded again in his mind.

Chaewon calmly accepting his harsh words. The moments when he bled yet insisted he could keep going, endure more. The moments when he apologized for being forced to do things he didn’t want to do. They surged endlessly on waves of emotion.

Thump, thump. The heartbeat he’d grown accustomed to made its presence known again. With a blank expression, Su-ha slowly turned back toward Chaewon and Sejin.

Whatever joke Se-jin had made, Chaewon was laughing brightly, his face lit up. This time, the pounding heart twisted painfully, as if someone were gripping it tightly and wringing it.

It was a pain he’d never felt before, but Su-ha knew exactly when such pain was described in movies and novels.

Love. The world reserved special words, sentences, life-altering turning points for moments like this, only when describing love.

It was unfamiliar. Love was something Su-ha had never once considered for himself.

Unaware of how foolish he looked, Su-ha stood there for a long time, just watching Chaewon. It was frightening how the world seemed to brighten when Chaewon smiled, yet he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

****

“Su-ha-ssi, are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve looked unwell for a while…”

Stirring the soup in his bowl with a spoon, Chaewon finally couldn’t hold back and carefully spoke to Su-ha. Only then did Su-ha look up, his expression still seeming oddly absent-minded.

They had come to the cafeteria together after finishing their fitness training and were sitting across from each other.

Up until they’d parted ways to train after greeting Se-jin, everything had been normal. Yet when they reunited afterward, Su-ha’s mood had clearly changed.

He looked like he didn’t want to talk, so Chaewon hadn’t pressed him, but even after sitting down, Su-ha hadn’t even picked up his spoon and seemed lost in thought. Chaewon couldn’t help but worry.

“Oh, it’s not that… I just have a few things on my mind… Come to think of it, I must’ve made things uncomfortable. Sorry.”

“No, it’s not uncomfortable, it’s just…”

Only then did Su-ha realize he’d been acting strangely in front of Chaewon. His thoughts were still tangled, and seeing Chaewon made it impossible to escape his complicated emotions, but from Chaewon’s perspective, the atmosphere must have felt heavy and awkward.

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable. I was just worried.”

Chaewon conveyed his concern gently, his eyes soft. It really did seem like Su-ha hadn’t bothered him at all. Su-ha barely managed to hold back a sigh and shook his head.

“I was just going over the upcoming plans in my head.”

“Ah… Is it a burden, time-wise, for you to oversee my training?”

“No. Not at all, so please don’t worry. More importantly… are you okay, Chaewon-ssi?”

What Su-ha was struggling with was something he could never let Chaewon find out about. He quickly composed his expression and changed the subject. Chaewon tilted his head.

“Me?”

“It was your first fitness training session. Wasn’t it tough?”

“Ah- can you see my hands shaking right now?”

Thankfully, Chaewon followed his lead. He held out the hand gripping the spoon, and it was visibly trembling. Su-ha nodded, a faint smile appearing despite himself.

“Yes. I can see it clearly. You did well.”

“When you demonstrated it, it looked so easy, so I thought I could do it too, but actually trying it was just… wow…”

The little “wow” and the round shape of his mouth as it opened were cute. Su-ha realized what he’d just thought and hurriedly reined in his thoughts, flustered by how easily such impressions slipped out even before he’d fully acknowledged his feelings.

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