Chapter 24: The Kindest Excuse Is Still an Excuse

Su-ha’s guiding could not, in a physical sense, be called truly sufficient.

Su-ha’s guiding was like an oasis in the desert, enough to briefly quench a thirsty man’s throat, but not enough to fundamentally resolve the deep, lingering thirst of the sands.

But Chaewon instinctively knew that if it had been any guide other than Su-ha, he wouldn’t have received even that much relief.

As Su-ha had said, increasing the contact area would surely lead to better results, but Chaewon didn’t want to be greedy to that extent.

The lacking parts were something he could endure himself.

He could endure them.

Thirst, pain, those were nothing.

Enduring was what Chaewon was best at.

“So… I just hope you won’t push yourself anymore, Su-ha-ssi.”

Chaewon’s words tightened around Su-ha’s throat like a vice.

The one who was pushing himself the hardest right now.

The one who constantly drove himself to the brink while barely receiving proper guiding.

That man was telling someone who was using only the bare minimum of his power not to overdo it.

Because Chaewon knew that Su-ha didn’t want this.

Because Su-ha had said, clearly, that he didn’t want to guide him.

Whether Chaewon had given up, or whether he simply no longer expected anything from Su-ha, the fact that he spoke those words without even a wounded expression made Su-ha’s breathing feel suffocating.

An awkward silence settled over the room.

Strictly speaking, it was awkward only for Su-ha.

Chaewon still looked completely fine.

With his gaze lowered, he wore a focused expression, as if he were simply steadying his own unstable energy after the abruptly severed guiding.

There were many things Su-ha wanted to say.

Just as many things he should have said.

Whether he wanted it or not, once he had taken on the role, he should have fulfilled the responsibility that came with it, but he hadn’t.

Up until now, Su-ha had provided nothing more than “exactly the amount of guiding required.”

Even among the espers he’d worked with as a temporary guide, he’d never been this cold.

Su-ha was a guide known for carefully tending not only to an esper’s physical condition but also to their emotional state.

Nearly every esper who had worked with him had wanted to form a pair contract because he was that considerate and gentle.

But he couldn’t do that with Chaewon.

He didn’t.

And it wasn’t simply because he didn’t want this assignment.

The emotions that arose from sustained interaction with a single person could never be the same as those felt toward espers he guided only once or twice as a temporary measure.

If Chaewon had been a bad person, on a human level, Su-ha might have found it easier to do more for him without hesitation.

But Chaewon was a good man, good enough to stir unexpected emotions in Su-ha, no matter how much he pushed him away or kept his guard up.

And so even now, Su-ha restrained the many words and actions he wanted to offer Chaewon, and finally spoke.

“Training starts soon. Will you be all right? If your condition isn’t good, it’s ok to delay the schedule a bit.”

The stiff tone, reflecting Su-ha’s unsettled state of mind, broke the lingering silence.

Chaewon shook his head.

“No. I’m okay. I think I can do it.”

Su-ha quietly studied Chaewon’s still-pale face.

By his judgment, postponing the schedule for a day or two and continuing guiding immediately would have been the better choice.

But after a brief hesitation at his lips, what he said went in a completely different direction.

“Understood. Then let’s proceed that way.”

Su-ha had already experienced a major emotional upheaval, albeit unintentionally.

In this state, he didn’t want to take the risk of resuming guiding.

If Chaewon’s condition truly became too poor to handle training, the management team would adjust the schedule accordingly.

Turning over Chaewon’s words, asking him not to overexert himself, in his mind, Su-ha rose from his seat first.

****

“Su-ha-ssi, that’s enough.”

The cold voice of Ye-seon stopped Su-ha in his tracks as he was about to follow Chaewon out of the training hall.

Su-ha turned slightly, looking at Ye-seon with a questioning expression.

Ye-seon continued.

“Did you really not realize what state Chaewon-ssi was in and still bring him here?”

A faint note of reproach colored Ye-seon’s voice.

Chaewon’s training for the day had been canceled.

The preliminary examination showed that his condition was excessively unstable.

Chaewon had insisted he was fine, but to make matters worse, the scheduled training was a high-intensity session with considerable risk.

Ye-seon ultimately judged that proceeding would be unreasonable.

Only then did Su-ha meet Ye-seon’s gaze directly.

“I recommended postponing the schedule, but Lee Chaewon-ssi refused.”

“Right. Of course he did. But after making excuses like that, do you really feel any better?”

Ye-seon’s dark brown eyes pierced straight through Su-ha.

The word excuses cut into Su-ha’s chest like a blade.

In a different situation, Su-ha would have pushed more forcefully.

As a high-ranking veteran guide, he held significant authority, especially when it came to managing rookie espers like Chaewon.

If their opinions had differed and Su-ha had truly wanted it, he could have submitted his assessment to the management team in advance and requested a schedule adjustment.

Had he done so, Ye-seon would undoubtedly have respected Su-ha’s judgment.

That was the proper procedure.

Knowing full well that Su-ha was aware of this, seeing him offer such clumsy excuses while still preparing to run away was equal parts frustrating and pitiable.

Letting out a small sigh, Ye-seon spoke.

“If the management team hadn’t caught it properly and the training had gone ahead as scheduled. If Chaewon-ssi had been seriously injured.”

“…”

“Would you still be able to tell yourself the same excuses and feel only guilt, like you are now?”

Ye-seon saw Su-ha with unnerving clarity.

Su-ha trusted the management team—more precisely, he trusted Ye-seon.

He believed that even if he didn’t intervene, Ye-seon would recognize Chaewon’s condition and adjust the schedule appropriately.

That was why he didn’t want to step in himself.

Why he didn’t want to involve himself any further in Chaewon’s affairs.

Because he still didn’t see Chaewon as his esper.

Because he didn’t want to see him that way.

Because no matter how it began, Chaewon was only ever supposed to be temporary.

Watching Su-ha avert his gaze, Ye-seon’s expression softened slightly before he spoke again.

“Su-ha-ssi. Let me give you one piece of advice, as your senior.”

“…Yes.”

“If you keep this up, you’ll regret it someday. That day will come, Su-ha-ssi.”

“…”

For no clear reason, a chill ran down his spine.

Chaewon’s calm acceptance of being disliked.

The way he trembled and apologized just from holding Su-ha’s hand once.

‘Sorry for making you do something you didn’t want to do… Suha-ssi.’

Those moments, where Chaewon readily accepted himself as an unwanted burden, suddenly unfolded before Su-ha’s eyes.

“I’ll be going.”

Unable to offer a proper rebuttal, Su-ha simply gave a short bow and turned away.

Behind him, Ye-seon’s sigh fell quietly to the floor.

****

By the time Su-ha finally exited the training hall, Chaewon was waiting for him by the door.

Their eyes met as the door opened, and Chaewon spoke with a slightly awkward expression.

“You weren’t coming out, so I waited for a bit.”

“…I see.”

“Is there… anything else you wanted to say to me?”

Chaewon seemed to have guessed that Su-ha had discussed his condition with Ye-seon inside.

Remembering that conversation made it uncomfortable to face him, and Su-ha shook his head vaguely.

“No.”

Chaewon didn’t press further and simply nodded.

The two walked side by side down the corridor without another word.

Chaewon thought there was no need to say anything unnecessary to someone who didn’t like him.

Su-ha, meanwhile, was lost in tangled thoughts.

Chaewon’s current condition was entirely the result of Su-ha failing to properly complete the preliminary guiding.

As always, Chaewon wore an unbothered expression, but just like the examination results showed, he was clearly enduring a poor condition even now.

No matter how much his long illness had raised his pain tolerance, telling someone to simply endure pain because they can endure it made no sense.

This wasn’t even a special combat situation, and it wasn’t as though he lacked a guide by his side.

In truth, this was a situation where Chaewon had every right to demand guiding from Su-ha.

“Um, Chaewon-ssi.”

Before he realized it, the words had slipped out.

“-Yes?”

Chaewon turned his head, and his gentle expression made Su-ha’s chest sting again.

At the very least, given that even the most basic guiding hadn’t been properly completed today, suggesting additional guiding wouldn’t be excessive.

Just as Su-ha was about to continue, piling up excuses of unknown origin even to himself.

“Oh, Chaewon-ssi. Where are you headed?”

Someone approached from a distance, greeting them cheerfully.

“Team Leader Min…?”

It was Min Ihyeon.