Chapter 35: If You Grow Strong, I’ll Lose You

Giyoon’s words, thrown straight back at Su-ha exactly as Su-ha had said them before, were unmistakably a provocation. Watching Su-ha’s brows knit slightly with evident satisfaction, Giyoon soon rose to his feet and flashed Chaewon a smile filled with an ill-fitting gentleness.

“See you later, Lee Chaewon.”

“Ah…”

“I’m not like Min I-hyeon, I’m bad at putting on airs. So if you train with me, it’ll be pretty rough… but it’s all for your own good, Chaewon. You won’t hate me for it then, right?”

“…I’m grateful that you’re willing to help with training, so there’s no reason to hate you. But it’s hard for me to hear you talk about Captain Min like that.”

Chaewon’s pitch-black eyes looked up at Giyoon, who now seemed several times larger as he stood, without a trace of intimidation.

Imagining this fearless, puppy-like esper blocking every sharp icicle he hurled with his entire body sent a strange thrill through Giyoon. After staring down at Chaewon in silence for a moment, he burst into laughter and spoke again.

“That can’t be helped. Min I-hyeon and I don’t get along very well.”

For an instant, Chaewon wanted to say that Captain Min had never spoken ill of Team Leader Joo, but realizing that he didn’t know what had happened between them, he decided it would be pointless to say more and kept his mouth shut.

Giyoon patted Chaewon’s shoulder lightly, like a kindly senior indulging a younger colleague.

“Anyway, see you later.”

“Yes. Goodbye.”

After receiving Chaewon’s farewell, Giyoon didn’t spare Su-ha even a glance before turning and leaving the cafeteria. Su-ha, likewise, offered no parting words to Giyoon.

Sighs escaped here and there throughout the cafeteria, quiet enough that it was hard to believe it was dinnertime.

Two S-rank espers in one place, with one of them being Joo Giyoon, and the guide present being Jin Su-ha, whom Giyoon openly disliked, meant conflict could easily have broken out.

On top of that, with Chaewon, the recent center of attention, sitting right there, the onlookers who’d been secretly watching him had no choice but to stay tense.

After staring at the cafeteria door Giyoon had exited through for a moment, Chaewon quietly spoke to Su-ha.

“Um… did you hear anything in advance about the training?”

“No. Nothing.”

Su-ha shook his head immediately. He was already displeased that I-hyeon had been pulled into Chaewon’s training, now Joo Giyoon as well? Su-ha barely restrained the urge to storm off and demand answers from the evaluators.

In terms of ability, I-hyeon might have been a step above, but if asked who posed more danger to Chaewon, the answer was unquestionably Joo Giyoon.

All S-ranks were fundamentally born with temperaments optimized for combat.

Regardless of their original personalities, they grew excited when facing strong opponents, craved domination, and once they entered a combat-ready state, they became easily overstimulated and difficult to rein in.

That was precisely why I-hyeon, who maintained relative composure on the battlefield, was more highly regarded as a leader than most.

Even while thinking that today’s training had been excessively dangerous for Chaewon, Su-ha had stepped back because he trusted that I-hyeon, at least, wouldn’t truly injure him. But if the opponent was Joo Giyoon, everything changed.

This time, Su-ha couldn’t just quietly stand aside and watch.

“But if I can endure that again… I’ll get stronger, right?”

The moment Su-ha saw Chaewon looking up at him, eyes shining as he asked, despite having gone through such unbearable pain earlier that day, still burning with resolve as if his own suffering didn’t matter at all.

His mind went completely blank. The surrounding noise faded away, leaving only the pounding of his heart filling his ears. Su-ha couldn’t say a word.

****

“Um… thank you so much for today.”

After finishing their meal and stepping out of the cafeteria building, Chaewon was the first to speak to Su-ha. He assumed that, unlike himself who had to return to the hospital room, Su-ha would head straight back to the dorms.

Su-ha, who’d been walking silently with a pensive expression, not looking irritated like before, but deeply lost in thought, stopped at Chaewon’s sudden words and looked at him.

Su-ha’s face briefly showed confusion at why Chaewon was thanking him when they hadn’t even reached the hospital yet, but he quickly understood Chaewon’s intention and pressed his lips together.

Chaewon clearly thought Su-ha would just head back alone.

In truth, Su-ha had been planning to spend the night in Chaewon’s hospital room.

Thinking about it, that assumption was only natural. Given how Su-ha had acted as though he couldn’t stand being near Chaewon even briefly, it made sense that Chaewon wouldn’t imagine him staying by his side all night.

Only then did Su-ha realize that he hadn’t considered at all that Chaewon might not welcome his presence in the hospital room.

Even putting himself in Chaewon’s shoes, it would be uncomfortable for someone who’d been cold and harsh until now to suddenly apologize once and then linger nearby. Things that Su-ha would normally never overlook kept going astray whenever Chaewon was involved.

While Su-ha was still sorting through his tangled thoughts, Chaewon spoke again.

“If it weren’t for you, Su-ha, I don’t think I could’ve endured today’s training.”

“…I don’t think I deserve to be thanked by you.”

Su-ha replied with his gaze lowered. After treating Chaewon so poorly all this time, he had no shame accepting gratitude for just one day. But Chaewon shook his head gently and spoke.

“I understand what you mean. I really was okay before, but…”

Chaewon trailed off, closing his mouth for a moment. Somehow, the words I’m okay sounded strangely unfamiliar today.

Chaewon truly had been okay. Of course, it would be a lie to say he’d never felt any emptiness or regret at all, but those emotions were insignificant to him. It wasn’t that he’d been forcing himself to act fine.

But Su-ha had told him that he shouldn’t be okay, that he shouldn’t accept such things as a matter of course. Chaewon still didn’t fully understand Su-ha’s words, yet they lingered in his mind, scratching at something deep inside.

Suppressing his swirling thoughts, Chaewon spoke again.

“Anyway, you really did make an effort for me today. Thank you.”

“…”

“And since you said you’ll do your best for me from now on, I’ll work harder too.”

With eyes full of determination, Chaewon looked straight up at Su-ha. Though they stood in a space filled with passing footsteps and noise, Su-ha felt as though only Chaewon’s voice filled his entire world. It was a strange sensation. Chaewon continued.

“I’ll accept what you give me properly and work even harder-”

“You don’t have to push yourself too much-”

“I’ll grow quickly, to the point where you won’t need to take care of me anymore.”

Something clenched hard in Su-ha’s chest. At Chaewon’s completely unexpected words, Su-ha lost all sense of what to say, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly.

Those were Su-ha’s own words. Get stronger quickly. Accept what I give you without protest. Get strong fast, so please let me be freed from you. Su-ha had said that.

As Su-ha stood there, helpless, as though trapped in a space walled in on all sides, Chaewon bowed his head slightly and spoke.

“Then please go get some rest, Su-ha. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

If only Chaewon had been mocking him, it would have been better. If he’d said those words out of spite or resentment toward Su-ha’s past behavior, or to embarrass him for suddenly apologizing and pretending to be a decent person, Su-ha wouldn’t have been this shaken.

But Chaewon was sincere. Even though Su-ha had apologized and promised there wouldn’t be a next time, Chaewon believed it was merely about Su-ha’s attitude. That Su-ha was apologizing because he hadn’t properly fulfilled his duties and responsibilities as a guide.

So from Chaewon’s perspective, nothing much had changed. Even if Su-ha tried harder as a guide from now on, the situation itself, Su-ha being forced to be Chaewon’s guide, remained the same.

It was only natural, Chaewon thought, that Su-ha would still want to be Min I-hyeon’s guide.

And Su-ha had no grounds to refute that assumption.

Instead, Su-ha realized something else. Throughout the long hours he’d spent by Chaewon’s side that day, apologizing to him and sharing dinner together, he’d barely thought about Min I-hyeon at all.

Aside from when Joo Giyoon mentioned training in the cafeteria, I-hyeon hadn’t crossed his mind.

It felt as though that vaguely distorted world was unfolding right before his eyes. A chill ran down Su-ha’s spine at the unfamiliar sensation. Instead of arguing with Chaewon, he extended his hand as if it were nothing and said,

“…Please give me your phone.”

If he wanted to untangle the mess, he had to grab onto some beginning, any beginning, and start there.