Chapter 88: If I Don’t Go, Who Will?

A sharp ringing sounded in his ears. Su-ha thought it might be a warning from his own reason, but he couldn’t stop himself from pressing Chaewon further.

This was all just guiding, after all. Something that had to be done for Chaewon’s sake. Those excuses sweetly blinded Su-ha and blocked his thoughts.

“Ah…!”

When Su-ha lightly bit and then sucked on Chaewon’s lower lip, Chaewon let out a somewhat higher moan, heat spilling from his hands.

In that instant, Su-ha’s body tensed and his thoughts tangled into a mess. The judgment that he needed to stabilize Chaewon was pushed far away by an unidentifiable surge of desire.

After briefly letting him go, Su-ha’s lips naturally moved down, biting along the jaw and reaching his neck.

When he stuck out his tongue and blatantly licked over his skin, an overwhelming satisfaction pierced through his entire body, as if this were the only thing he had ever wanted in his life.

Su-ha released the hand that had been restraining Chaewon and grabbed his waist instead. And just as he was about to slip his hand beneath the disheveled hem of his clothes…

“Su-ha… hng…”

From above his head came Chaewon’s voice, filled with strained, yearning breaths. Su-ha’s movements came to an abrupt halt.

It wasn’t anything special. He had only called Su-ha’s name. But that single word struck Su-ha like thunder.

As his reason returned in an instant, he became vividly aware of what he had been doing, and what he was about to do. Su-ha hurriedly pulled away from Chaewon, lifting his head to meet his gaze.

Chaewon still didn’t seem fully conscious, struggling to steady his blurred eyes as though searching for someone. It wasn’t hard to guess who he was looking for.

Suppressing the self-loathing that surged back up, Su-ha cupped Chaewon’s cheek and gently turned his face toward him, speaking in a careful voice.

“Chaewon, it’s me. Are you coming back to your senses?”

“Mm… Su-ha…”

“Yes. It’s me. Do you remember what happened?”

Su-ha tenderly wiped away the trace of blood still left at the corner of Chaewon’s lips with his fingertips and spoke in a whisper. The guiding was still ongoing.

Chaewon blinked slowly a few more times. Between fragmented flashes of memory, he saw Gi-yoon threatening Su-ha, and himself attacking Gi-yoon in response.

“I… I…”

His voice wouldn’t come out properly, as though his throat were completely dry. There was water prepared on a nearby table; fetching it wouldn’t have been difficult or taken long.

But Su-ha couldn’t move. He didn’t want to be separated from Chaewon even for a moment. Using the flimsy excuse that stabilizing him came first, Su-ha continued to stroke his cheek and hold his gaze steady.

Chaewon finally managed to speak.

“Did I… finish the training well…?”

That was the first thing he forced out. A small laugh slipped from Su-ha without him realizing. While he was still being swept away by a storm, Chaewon seemed to be calmly rowing alone in the middle of a quiet lake.

It was a somewhat deflating reaction, yet more than that, he found it endearing. Realizing that he felt that way made him think he was truly beyond saving. Gently brushing near Chaewon’s eyes, Su-ha replied with a hint of a smile in his voice.

“Yes. You did very well.”

“Ah…”

“I’m not just saying that. You really did well. Thanks to you, I wasn’t hurt either.”

At that, Chaewon’s eyes flickered slightly. More than anything else, the fact that Su-ha hadn’t been injured seemed to touch him. From beginning to end, he had been the same.

Moved in turn, Su-ha looked down at Chaewon in silence for a moment. His emotions stirred again, but in a different way than before, an indescribable swell in his chest.

How could someone like this exist? How had someone like this endured such a harsh life and made it all the way here? Questions no one could answer filled his mind.

He wanted to call it fate. He wanted to believe that meeting Chaewon here as an esper and guide had been predetermined and firmly decided by some vast, incomprehensible force. If he had to define it in one word, it would be “desperate.”

Under that overwhelming, almost cosmic emotion, the goals and longings Su-ha had once felt seemed insignificant.

Then he suddenly realized how close their bodies still were. Chaewon’s dark eyes, his soft cheeks, and the lips Su-ha had so insistently bitten and sucked moments ago were right in front of him.

His words caught in his throat and his breathing faltered. What he had just been feeling, what he had been doing, and the emotions underlying it, rose clearly to the surface again. Heat seemed to spread across every part of his body that touched Chaewon.

“Su-ha…?”

Chaewon, who had been quietly watching him freeze as if malfunctioning, called his name again with a puzzled expression. He didn’t seem to sense Su-ha’s awkwardness at all.

After all, though Chaewon had clung to him and urged him into a kiss earlier, it hadn’t been out of personal desire. Realizing that obvious fact, Su-ha couldn’t understand why a corner of his heart kept stinging.

Struggling to keep his unruly emotions under control, Su-ha met Chaewon’s eyes and spoke.

“Your body hasn’t fully stabilized yet. You need more guiding. Since this is just the guiding room attached to the training hall, it would be better to return to the dorms and continue properly if you can move. What do you think? Can you stand?”

At the question, Chaewon tried putting strength into his arms and legs. His whole body still ached, and his vision blurred at times, but he wasn’t completely unable to move.

Though he wanted to stay lying down, Su-ha was right, the guiding room wasn’t somewhere he could truly rest.

Slowly nodding, Chaewon said, “Yes. I want to go back to the dorm.”

“Alright.”

“You’ll come with me, right, Su-ha?”

When Chaewon said that last line, silence briefly fell between them. Su-ha hadn’t expected him to ask such a thing and was startled. Chaewon, too, seemed surprised by his own words. After speaking, he quickly closed his mouth, but what was said couldn’t be taken back.

“I… I mean…”

He tried to add something, but no proper explanation came to mind. It wasn’t as if he’d said anything wrong, yet his face felt hot and it was hard to meet Su-ha’s eyes.

Not long ago, he wouldn’t even have dared to ask something like that, nor had he wanted to. Yet now he was the one reaching out first, asking for what he wanted.

Even as he told himself not to, he realized he was steadily coming to rely on Su-ha. The thought made his heart flutter and feel heavy at the same time.

As if to soothe him, Su-ha lifted a hand and gently brushed Chaewon’s disheveled hair aside, then spoke softly with a faint smile.

“Why are you asking something so obvious?”

“Ah…”

“If I don’t go, who will?”

Though there was a trace of playfulness in his voice, it didn’t sound like a joke. Relief shone in Chaewon’s previously unsteady eyes. Su-ha gave his cheek another gentle caress, then rose first and began to lift Chaewon carefully into his arms.

“You’re probably still dizzy, so lean on me and get up slowly.”

“Yes…”

When he’d been lying down, he’d thought he could manage on his own, but as soon as he started to rise, his vision spun more violently.

Instinctively clutching Su-ha tightly, Chaewon pressed his forehead against his shoulder and steadied his breathing. His stomach churned, and it felt as though dozens of needles were pricking him from the inside.

“Hng…”

“It’s alright. It’s alright, Chaewon.”

As his soft voice seeped into his ears, Su-ha subtly increased the output of his guiding. After gently stroking Chaewon’s back as if gauging something, he spoke in a firm tone, as though making up his mind.

“Hold onto me tightly.”

“What?”

Before Chaewon could fully process the sudden instruction, Su-ha guided his arms around his neck, slipped a hand beneath his knees, and carefully lifted him up. Startled, Chaewon let out a short cry and instinctively clung tightly to Su-ha’s neck before raising his voice.

“S-Su-ha, put me down. I can walk!”

“If you get dizzy and collapse, that would be a problem. It’s better to get back to the dorm quickly and start guiding properly. It’ll be easier for me too, so just bear with it for a moment.”

“But…!”

“You’re not heavy, and it’s not difficult. So don’t worry.”

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