Chapter 101: Make Him Like Me

Chaewon had always believed that whenever he touched Su-ha and heat flared through him, whenever his mind blurred and his senses swam, it was all because of guiding.

He had thought it was simply that he liked the energy flowing into him, that Su-ha’s presence sharpened every nerve and stirred his emotions until he felt drunk on it.

But now they weren’t guiding.

There was no current of energy pouring in from Su-ha.

And yet heat kept rising beneath Chaewon’s skin, his fingertips tingling. His knees nearly gave out; if not for Su-ha’s arm wrapped firmly around his waist, he would have sunk to the floor.

Was kissing someone always like this, even without guiding?

Was it like this for anyone?

Was the act itself, regardless of who it was with, so overwhelming that it left a person breathless and undone?

They weren’t lovers. They were partners.

Could something like this really feel so intense between people who were only colleagues?

Barely restraining the urge to wind his arms around Su-ha’s neck, Chaewon fought desperately not to interpret this moment emotionally.

But the one treating this moment most emotionally was Su-ha.

He had kissed Chaewon before, several times, but always under the pretense of guiding. This was the first time the kiss itself was the purpose. And that fact shook him to his core.

The soft warmth of Chaewon’s mouth against his, the sensation of him yielding beneath his touch, it was beyond words.

Before meeting Chaewon, Su-ha had kissed other guides for the sake of guiding.

None of them had ever made him feel like this.

He had thought that kissing Chaewon might soothe the persistent thirst he’d carried for so long.

Instead, the more he tasted him, the more that thirst deepened.

As he drew Chaewon’s uncertain tongue into his mouth and savored the softness within, desire burned hotter.

He didn’t want to let go.

He didn’t want to stop.

A fierce urge rose within him, to push Chaewon back onto the bed, to hold him there, to explore further, deeper, more intimately.

“Su-ha… wai- ngh…!”

Only when Chaewon was forced to pull away to gasp for air did Su-ha come back to himself.

Chaewon’s lips were damp, his breathing ragged.

Startled, Su-ha cupped his face.

“Ch-Chaewon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it so hard for you… I didn’t…”

His voice was unusually flustered.

He had known Chaewon was inexperienced with this kind of intimacy, yet he had let his own emotions sweep him away again.

Chaewon’s hands trembled where they clutched at his shoulders.

Guilt settled heavily in Su-ha’s chest.

He pulled Chaewon into a careful embrace, gently stroking his shaking back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you like that.”

“No… it’s not that,” Chaewon said between breaths. “You were helping me adjust more quickly.”

The words felt wrong the moment they left his mouth.

Helping.

Adjust.

They didn’t belong here.

Su-ha drew back slightly, eyes searching Chaewon’s face.

“Helping…?”

Unaware of the tremor in Su-ha’s heart, Chaewon looked up at him with damp eyes, still catching his breath.

“To get used to mucosal-contact guiding… You were helping me, right?”

Blink. Blink.

His expression was guileless.

From Chaewon’s perspective, this was the best conclusion he could reach.

Why would Su-ha kiss him if not for guiding?

Su-ha might think of him as a partner now, might care for him, might do so much on his behalf, but not long ago he hadn’t even liked him.

Chaewon simply couldn’t believe that Su-ha would suddenly develop romantic feelings and kiss him because of them.

The only explanation that made sense was that this, too, was training.

Guiding an esper who stiffened and startled at every touch couldn’t be easy.

Su-ha had once said he needed to grow accustomed to close-contact guiding.

Then this had to be part of that.

Even if it felt like a flimsy excuse, it was the safest one.

He refused to indulge the foolish thought that Su-ha might have kissed him out of affection.

He wouldn’t twist kindness into something selfish.

Someone like Jin Su-ha could never like someone like Lee Chaewon.

That was simply reality.

Chaewon steadied his racing heart and spoke as calmly as he could.

“I’m not used to it yet… but I’ll adjust. I’ll get used to it.”

“…”

“I won’t make your guiding any more troublesome. Thank you.”

Su-ha found himself unable to speak.

****

He stood in the hallway afterward, staring blankly at the closed door.

Then he covered his mouth and let out a hollow laugh.

He hadn’t planned it.

But the moment he kissed Chaewon, and when Chaewon asked if it was guiding, he had decided he wouldn’t hide his feelings anymore.

He knew it was sudden.

He knew Chaewon might push him away.

He hadn’t expected immediate acceptance.

But in that moment, he truly hadn’t been able to stop himself.

He could have blamed it on guiding.

He didn’t want to.

He had wanted to be clear.

He hadn’t expected to be dismissed before he could even confess.

“Who am I blaming…?” he muttered bitterly.

Of course Chaewon couldn’t imagine it.

Su-ha had given him every reason not to.

Chaewon must have searched desperately for a logical explanation, one that excluded the possibility that Su-ha liked him.

The thought left a faint ache of guilt behind.

How small must Chaewon have made himself to believe such a thing was impossible?

Su-ha turned and headed toward his quarters.

If he confessed now, he would be rejected.

Better to try harder.

Get closer.

Break down the walls still standing in Chaewon’s heart.

Make himself someone Chaewon couldn’t refuse.

…Make him like him.

He exhaled slowly.

There was time.

And Chaewon was still his partner.

****

Chaewon was sitting against the headboard, pretending to read, when his phone rang.

He startled, glancing at the screen.

[Jin Su-ha – Guide]

His heart lurched violently.

He had picked up the book only to stop himself from replaying the kiss.

But the moment Su-ha’s name appeared, all his efforts collapsed.

He took a deep breath, steadying his voice before answering.

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