Chapter 104: Steady Isn’t Enough

A thought suddenly crossed Su-ha’s mind.

At the faint possibility, he reflexively parted his lips and let out a small groan, “Ah….”

Catching that expression, I-hyeon smiled faintly and spoke.

“Since it looks like you’ve noticed too, Su-ha, I’ll just say it. From what I can tell… Chaewon seems uncomfortable with me because he’s worried about you.”

“…”

“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not trying to say you pressured him in any way.”

Only then did Su-ha understand why I-hyeon had come to see him about what was happening between him and Chaewon, why he had abruptly asked earlier if Su-ha felt uncomfortable with the two of them being close.

I-hyeon believed that Chaewon was keeping his distance because of Su-ha.

“It’s just… you probably know better than I do how much Chaewon relies on and cares for you. He likely doesn’t want to make Guide Jin Su-ha uncomfortable for no reason.”

And to be honest, Su-ha himself couldn’t deny that the thought I-hyeon had voiced matched his own.

The wariness he had shown I-hyeon only moments ago turned inward, twisting into self-reproach.

He told himself he no longer dreamed of Min I-hyeon. That he wanted to do well as Lee Chaewon’s Guide. No matter how often he said it, the past, when he had once set I-hyeon as his goal, remained unchanged. And Chaewon knew that past.

Of course, I-hyeon didn’t know Su-ha had told Chaewon such things, but his guess was almost perfectly on target.

It was embarrassing to even think of Chaewon, and it wasn’t easy to meet I-hyeon’s eyes.

Chaewon was still turning down opportunities that would clearly help him, all because he was watching Su-ha’s reactions, while Su-ha himself had been jealous at the thought of I-hyeon and Chaewon growing closer. It was the worst.

Reading the guilt spreading across Su-ha’s face, I-hyeon spoke again, his voice softer.

“I’m not saying this is your fault. It may also be my problem for pushing too suddenly. But… as you know, hearing various things from me as an Esper would only help Chaewon. It would never disadvantage him.”

“Yes. Of course.”

“If he’s refusing simply because he’s uncomfortable with me or doesn’t want to get close, then there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force him. But if there’s another reason… I thought it might be better for you than for me to talk to him about it.”

Honestly, I-hyeon had no obligation to concern himself this much with either of them.

Nothing catastrophic would happen if he didn’t share a meal with Chaewon, and it wouldn’t negatively affect him if Su-ha remained unaware of the situation.

Even so, I-hyeon acted this way because he carried a slight sense of debt toward them both.

Toward Su-ha, there was guilt for pretending not to notice his earnest feelings all those years.

Toward Chaewon, there was guilt that because of him, Chaewon had heard unnecessary things about the first Guide he had ever met.

None of it had truly been I-hyeon’s fault. But caring for them made it impossible to feel completely indifferent.

He continued,

“From your position as well… I don’t think you’d like Chaewon to keep carrying this burden.”

“…You’re right. I should have paid more attention.”

“Well, it’s your first time with a paired Esper, and you’ve been busy handling many things.”

There was warmth in I-hyeon’s tone, as though he were comforting him.

Until now, whenever Su-ha had run into I-hyeon by chance and spoken with him, he had always felt an invisible wall. I-hyeon had been kind and gentle, as he was with everyone, but beneath it lay a trace of coldness that left no room for hope.

At first, Su-ha believed that wall existed because he was weak. Because he lacked the ability to become I-hyeon’s Guide. Because he couldn’t hide his desire to be one. That was why I-hyeon had never fully opened his heart.

He thought becoming stronger would solve it. If he built enough ability, he could close that distance. So he worked himself to the bone.

Yet over the long years, somewhere along the way, he must have sensed it wasn’t only about ability. It wasn’t that simple. Instinctively, he knew I-hyeon’s distance wasn’t solely for that reason.

But Su-ha had looked away.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it.

He didn’t want to give up.

He didn’t want to abandon hope.

As if I-hyeon were within reach, if only he tried a little harder, became a little better, he might finally touch him.

Only after meeting Chaewon and turning his gaze away from Min I-hyeon did Su-ha realize he had been running down the wrong path with his eyes deliberately covered.

And now, for the first time, he faced a I-hyeon who treated him comfortably, without any trace of guardedness.

Realizing that even without Chaewon’s presence, that place had never been his to reach, Su-ha finally spoke.

“Thank you for being considerate. I’ll… talk to Chaewon.”

“Alright. Thanks for making time even though you’re busy.”

I-hyeon remained seated a moment longer, quietly observing Su-ha’s face as he bowed politely and said, “I’m the one who should be grateful.”

When Chaewon’s name had first come up, Su-ha’s expression had been unmistakably guarded. Now he was offering sincere thanks.

That was why I-hyeon considered Su-ha a good man.

Being a capable awakened individual didn’t automatically mean someone was good, but Su-ha was both a skilled Guide and a good person. If he had become I-hyeon’s Guide, they would likely have formed an unparalleled pair.

But timing had gone astray, and their relationship had been redefined. I-hyeon was certain this outcome was better for Su-ha as well.

Finally letting go of the feeling that had weighed on him for so long, I-hyeon rose.

“Then I’ll head out. Say something good about me to Chaewon.”

“…I’ll see you again.”

Ignoring that last remark deliberately, Su-ha offered no reply, and I-hyeon laughed.

He genuinely hoped the two would be happy together.

Yet somewhere in his heart lingered a faint, inexplicable discomfort at the thought that Chaewon had pushed him away so easily for Su-ha’s sake.

He couldn’t fault Su-ha for being wary of him.

****

After I-hyeon left, Su-ha remained seated, organizing his thoughts.

It was honestly shocking that Chaewon had been so proactive in pushing I-hyeon away.

He knew Chaewon hadn’t fully let go of his guilt. Chaewon was someone who blamed himself for everything, who tried to attribute all shortcomings to himself.

No matter how many times Su-ha explained that his feelings had changed, he hadn’t expected those words alone to erase guilt already rooted deep in Chaewon’s heart.

Still, he had believed that if he continued trying, if he proved it through actions at Chaewon’s side, then one day Chaewon would truly accept his change of heart. He had believed there had been progress.

But there hadn’t been.

Apparently not.

Chaewon clearly still believed Su-ha cared more about I-hyeon than about him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have not only refused I-hyeon’s offer but also hidden that fact from Su-ha.

He thought Su-ha would be hurt if he knew.

Despite Su-ha’s words, Chaewon was convinced that Min I-hyeon still held importance in Su-ha’s heart.

That was why, even after Su-ha had kissed him so openly the night before, Chaewon hadn’t connected it to personal feelings at all.

A vague suspicion solidified into certainty.

“Ha…”

A sigh escaped him.

Not directed at Chaewon, but at himself.

If left alone, time would likely solve it. Their time together hadn’t been long yet; a few words wouldn’t easily change ingrained thoughts. But if they spent years together, and if Su-ha remained steady and consistent, Chaewon would surely change.

The problem was that Jin Su-ha couldn’t endure that time.

He couldn’t let Chaewon continue misunderstanding his feelings for that long. He didn’t want to.

Even now, he was already seized several times a day by the impulse to press small, intimate kisses to Chaewon’s lips and show him every piece of his heart.

There was no way he could endure holding back for years.

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