Chapter 17: So Please Help Me

Chaewon slowly opened his eyes, feeling a dull ache spread throughout his body.

Before he could fully gather his thoughts, a voice spoke from beside him.

“Are you awake?”

He reflexively turned his head and saw Su-ha sitting next to the bed.

A sense of déjà vu washed over him as he searched his memory, and then he recalled the last examination he’d undergone.

‘So I really did pass out, huh.’

The thought crossed his mind, but unlike before, he didn’t feel empty or dejected.

After all, he had endured far longer than he’d expected.

Though it was regrettable that he’d lost consciousness, a quiet sense of pride welled up inside him.

Chaewon curved his lips into a faint smile and was just about to respond, when Su-ha spoke first, his voice coldly subdued.

“Why did you do that?”

It wasn’t loud or raised, but the anger in it was unmistakable.

Chaewon flinched, his parted lips trembling, and looked up at Su-ha with unsteady eyes.

Su-ha met his gaze with a sharp, cutting look and continued.

“What were you thinking, acting that recklessly? Do you have any sense at all?”

“Th-that is… I…”

Chaewon hadn’t expected praise, of course.

But he also hadn’t anticipated Su-ha being mad at him, and the realization left him flustered.

Only now did he remember Su-ha shouting before he’d passed out, sounding furious.

After stumbling over his words several times, Chaewon finally managed to speak.

“Did I… do something wrong?”

“Why didn’t you stop when you were told to?”

Su-ha answered Chaewon’s question with another question, his voice still sharp.

Chaewon searched his memory again.

Vaguely, he recalled Ye-seon shouting at him to stop, probably when he’d started bleeding.

In a trembling voice, Chaewon carefully explained what he’d been thinking at the time.

“I thought… I thought I could keep going. I can’t stop every time it gets hard… I wanted to see how far I could go before passing out.”

“And what if that had led to a rampage?”

At Su-ha’s words, realization dawned on Chaewon’s face.

Su-ha continued.

“Right now, Chaewon, your condition is no different from an unidentified bomb. You have S-rank power, a type that’s never existed before, and severe side effects on top of that. No one knows when or where things might go wrong.”

“…”

“In that situation, if you ignore your superior’s orders and stubbornly push ahead, and something happens, who takes responsibility for that?”

Chaewon’s eyes sank low as he listened to the reprimand.

His pale face and bloodless lips looked pitiful, but Su-ha kept lashing himself internally, forcing himself not to be swayed by appearances.

It might have been excessive to react this way to someone who had only just regained consciousness.

But if he didn’t do this, he had no way to deal with the suffocating frustration that had been gnawing at him the entire time Chaewon was unconscious.

Eunho’s parting words, and the things Su-ha himself had said to Chaewon, continued to grate on him in the silence of the hospital room.

Chaewon’s faint, steady breathing almost sounded like resentment directed at him.

More than anything else, what weighed most heavily on Su-ha was the emotion he’d felt the moment Chaewon collapsed, bleeding.

That heart-dropping sensation had been unfamiliar, unsettling, and irritating.

Without fully realizing it, Su-ha was desperately trying to defend himself.

When Chaewon still didn’t respond, Su-ha spoke again.

“You’re no longer some terminal patient waiting to die. Because of the power you possess, other people could get hurt. You’d do well to keep that in mind from now on.”

This wasn’t how he’d meant for it to come out.

He hadn’t intended to be this cold, this merciless.

He’d only planned to calmly explain what Chaewon had done wrong, so why was he this angry?

The moment their eyes met, Su-ha’s thoughts became tangled.

The gentle face that had once asked whether his own clumsiness might burden his guide.

The way he’d calmly accepted Su-ha’s rejection.

The thin body, wrapped in blue light, enduring while blood streamed down as he insisted he was fine and could keep going.

All of it resurfaced, leaving an inexplicable discomfort behind.

Su-ha clenched his fist, replaying his overly sharp words.

It was already too late to smooth things over.

And he had no intention of apologizing.

He pressed his lips tightly together.

That was when Chaewon, who had been quietly listening until now, finally spoke.

“I made a mistake.”

His voice didn’t sound frightened or cowed.

Chaewon’s expression was firm.

“I thought enduring without question meant I was doing well, but I didn’t think that far ahead. I’m sorry.”

“…”

“Next time, I’ll discuss what I can handle with you first, Team Leader, and I’ll follow instructions properly. Thank you for telling me, Su-ha-ssi.”

There was no trace of resentment in the way he said Su-ha’s name.

If anything, Su-ha was the one caught off guard.

Still wearing a dazed expression, as if he hadn’t just been snarling moments ago, Su-ha replied reflexively.

“…Be more careful next time.”

“I’ve been too busy just trying to survive… so I lack a lot of basic knowledge about Awakened. I’m not making excuses, but because of that, I might make ignorant mistakes like this again.”

“…”

“I’ll stay alert and do my best to follow your lead. So please, Su-ha-ssi…”

Chaewon paused.

He hesitated, wondering whether it was right to ask something like this of someone who didn’t like him, someone who had only taken him on reluctantly.

But Su-ha was his guide now, and whether they liked it or not, the two of them had no choice but to fulfill their responsibilities as a pair.

Chaewon felt guilty about the situation, but he didn’t want that guilt to make him hesitate foolishly over what he needed to do.

He continued.

“Please keep guiding me strictly, like you are now. I’ll work hard.”

Desperation made people shameless.

Chaewon truly wanted to do well, and to do that, he needed Su-ha’s help more than anything.

After taking a steadying breath, he decided to be even more honest with Su-ha, who was staring at him in silence.

‘When you make a request, give it your all to fix it.’

That was Chaewon’s way.

“I know you don’t like me, Su-ha-ssi. I understand why. If I were you, I’d feel the same. So honestly… I even thought about asking to change guides.”

Su-ha looked startled at that.

He hadn’t known Chaewon was thinking that way, though he couldn’t say he didn’t understand.

No one would want a guide who openly said they didn’t want to work with them.

But Chaewon continued, saying something Su-ha hadn’t expected.

“If I refused… I thought maybe then you could work with the person who was your original goal.”

Chaewon said it was for Su-ha’s sake.

“However, Su-ha-ssi… after receiving your guiding and then using my power… I felt how different my condition was compared to before. I don’t know exactly how it works, but I’m certain I was able to endure that long because of your guiding.”

During the last examination, Chaewon had lasted far longer than ever before.

Not only that, his control had been freer, and he’d been able to wield far more power.

He instinctively knew that it wasn’t just because he’d received guiding, but because it was Jin Su-ha’s guiding.

Whether it was because their wavelengths matched well or because Su-ha was simply an exceptionally capable guide, one thing was certain: it was thanks to him.

So Chaewon swallowed his shame.

He held tight to his guilt and spoke to Su-ha.

“That’s why I changed my mind. I won’t ask to change guides.”

“What are you even saying…?”

“I need you, Su-ha-ssi.”

I need you.

The eyes that said those words were dark, like a lightless sea.

A suffocating feeling rose in Su-ha’s chest, and he fell silent.

“You might think I’m shameless, but I really… really want to do well. I want to help people.”

“…”

“I’ll do well. I’ll work hard… and prove myself, do more than my share, and earn recognition.”

Being cursed for having no shame didn’t matter.

These words might make Su-ha dislike him even more, but so what?

Having died once, Chaewon had discarded many of his fears.

“So… so someday, I’ll show you that you won’t need to be my guide anymore.”

Clutching the blanket tightly with his small hands, Chaewon said,

“So even if it makes you uncomfortable… please help me. I’m asking you, Su-ha.”

Overwhelmed by the sudden rush of unfamiliar emotion, Su-ha was left momentarily speechless.

Chaewon’s desperation was strange in its lack of excess.

He was speaking carefully, his body drawn tight, and yet, he didn’t look pitiful. He didn’t look insignificant at all.