Chapter 39: Why Does It Bother Me This Much?

“So… how do you plan to spend your day off?”

In an entirely ordinary voice, Su-ha asked a simple question. On the surface, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, though beneath it, his thoughts were shifting and being pushed aside faster than he realized.

Chaewon hadn’t fully regained his senses even after the guiding session ended. Su-ha stayed seated on the edge of the bed, watching him blink his dark eyes repeatedly, making sure he stayed safe.

Inexperienced espers sometimes misstep or get hurt if they move too hastily after a session like this.

Chaewon sat there without moving or speaking, perfectly still like a doll. Su-ha thought, if he were lifted and placed on the shelf, he’d probably just stay there quietly.

Even though he chastised himself for thinking such improper thoughts, seeing Chaewon’s small body and pale skin sitting so innocently made it almost impossible to push them away.

Only after Chaewon had fully collected himself did he ask about the day off, carefully trying to act casual, as if there had been nothing unusual in his mind.

Unaware of Su-ha’s inner turmoil, Chaewon fell into thought for a moment, looking serious.

“Hmm… I don’t really have anything to do…”

The earnest seriousness on Chaewon’s face nearly made Su-ha burst out laughing. He had to stop himself, quickly pushing away the thought that it was cute how seriously Chaewon considered even the smallest matters.

“I don’t have anyone to meet… so maybe I’ll just rest in the dorm?”

But by the time Chaewon said that, Su-ha could no longer suppress a twinge of unease. He remembered the night before, when Chaewon had answered with such a determined expression that Su-ha was the first number he saved in his phone.

“I suppose it might be good to study a little… about espers or guides, since I don’t know much.”

Chaewon’s idea of spending a day off was studying. Su-ha’s face twisted slightly. He himself preferred to rest quietly when he had free time, but the thought of Chaewon spending his first day off like that made him uneasy.

Half on impulse, Su-ha spoke.

“Why not go outside for a bit?”

“Outside?”

“You’ve never been out since coming to the Center. Isn’t there anything you’ve wanted to do?”

Chaewon’s face grew serious again. He knew there was a bustling area not far from the Center. He had experience working all sorts of part-time jobs, so unfamiliar scenery wasn’t new to him.

But in those places, he was always working. Always busy, always watching others. He couldn’t imagine himself doing anything else.

There was nothing he particularly wanted. Any dreams he had would likely be impossible now. He wanted to work and earn money, to help his grandmother, and that had been all he had ever wanted.

But his grandmother was gone, and now he could no longer achieve the only dream he had ever cherished.

The thought sank his mood, but with Su-ha there, helping him think through it, he couldn’t show it. He forced a small smile, hiding the unwillingness, and spoke.

“I’ll think about going out and seeing the sights. Thank you for helping me consider it. Now you should rest, too, Su-ha.”

Su-ha froze for a moment. Before he could respond, Chaewon continued.

“There’s no training today or tomorrow, and I’ve already had more than enough guiding. So please, don’t worry about me and take a proper rest.”

“Oh, no, that’s…”

“If I go out… I’ll contact you when I return.”

Chaewon’s gentle expression completely pushed Su-ha away.

****

“So… what I mean is…”

Su-ha stammered. People say you lose words when you’re flustered, and it was true. He had no idea how the conversation had reached this point. His head felt as if he had been struck.

When he suggested Chaewon go outside, Su-ha had naturally assumed he’d go along. He hadn’t thought twice. Now, he didn’t understand why Chaewon had never assumed they’d spend the day off together.

Blushing slightly, Su-ha rubbed his cheek absentmindedly and spoke in an awkward voice.

“I meant… I thought maybe we could go together…”

“…What?”

“You’re not familiar with the area yet, so I thought I could…”

No matter how he said it, it felt wrong. He felt shameless and guilty. To suddenly suggest spending a day off together after acting as if he didn’t want to be near Chaewon, it felt improper even to him.

Sure enough, Chaewon’s face turned flustered as he waved his hands frantically.

“Oh, no. That’s really not necessary. I can manage on my own, don’t worry.”

“But…”

“I know you care about me, Su-ha. Really. But just guiding me is enough. You don’t need to take care of anything personal. Really.”

Chaewon meant it. He had accepted Su-ha’s apologies. He understood everything Su-ha had said. He had already resolved that he would accept all the guiding Su-ha provided, without refusing, to get stronger as fast as possible.

But this was a different matter. In ordinary esper-guide relationships, maybe spending a day off together was normal, but Chaewon did not want that level of care. He didn’t want to place that burden on Su-ha.

Chaewon carefully chose his words so as not to sound rude while politely looking up at Su-ha.

“Thank you, Su-ha. For going to so much trouble… I’ll rest well and enjoy seeing the sights. You don’t need to worry.”

His eyes were pure and clear, yet at this moment, Su-ha felt them sharper than ever.

He had only himself to blame. If he hadn’t been reckless with his words before, none of this would have happened. So even if Chaewon pushed him away like this, he couldn’t blame him.

Su-ha quickly pushed away the fleeting sting of disappointment and turned to more practical thoughts.

There was no real reason to insist on going along. Many espers and guides in pair relationships sometimes became close, even romantically, but some maintained appropriate distance and stayed slightly closer than mere colleagues.

Perhaps that was what Su-ha needed. He had abandoned the idea of being a purely functional temporary guide, but he wasn’t planning to develop a romantic relationship with Chaewon either.

As he considered this, a warning alarm went off in his mind. “Romance.” The word spun around his head like it was completely foreign. Losing himself in thought, Su-ha blurted out impulsively.

“…What if something happens while you’re alone outside?”

Chaewon tilted his head slightly, unsure of Su-ha’s meaning, waiting for him to continue. Every little gesture, the way he blinked, seemed to prick at Su-ha’s nerves. Clenching his fists without realizing it, he spoke again.

“What if an accident happens?”

Su-ha hadn’t intended to speak sharply, but tension made his words rigid. His heart sank as soon as he said it. It felt like his tongue had betrayed him.

That wasn’t what he meant. He had simply wanted to warn Chaewon that if anything happened, if he collapsed or felt ill outside, it could be serious.

Yet his mind kept spinning with words like lover, and Chaewon’s face in front of him kept triggering thoughts that he found irresistibly endearing.

Before he could think to recover, Chaewon nodded.

“Ah, right… if some unexpected side effect caused me to have a seizure or something outside, I might hurt someone else. I didn’t think of that.”